the end

Gonna close this site down soon.

Okay, not close it but abandon it.

These past years,

my memories,

I have left footprints all over here.

Yes, I will miss this space.,

This space that contained so much of you,

the chase,

being together,

and the breakup.

My heart is breaking as I type this,

and of cos,

I can't control the tears.

Inside of me still flows with so much emotions for you.

It's been what,

9 months?

It pains me,

every time I come back here and read all about you.

When the love was good,

when the love was strong.

I miss you so much,

I still do.

I should quit acting strong in front of my friends.

Just when I thought I was truly happy,

Life then comes around and fuck the hell outta me.

Just that,

I can't seem to cry in front of people anymore.

I can't seem to cry about the things that are hurting me.

My heart has turned into a void,

a blackhole,

that vacuums everything bad,

and storing it somewhere within my soul.

I just wondered if you still cared?

Did you know that I was waiting for your text on my birthday?

Even as a friend,

you can't even be bothered.

So the memories we had,

amounted to nothing?

I never realized I was dating a cold hearted person,

until our breakup.

Our friends said the same thing.

So I guess I ain't being bias right?

Even after all that,

I still long for you.

It's either I am stupid,

or my heart is too big.

Moving to tumblr.

Goodbye.

Romance in the air...

So tomorrow's Valentine's Day, other than smart marketing campaigns and what not, how are you spending it with?
This year I kinda expected a pretty solemn affair.
Just me and my single ladies, attending open classes and having dinner! That will probably be good enough for me!

Somehow, this year, I managed to score a date! Haha.
I guess you can say I am a little bit excited.
It's like breath of fresh air for me.
So other than dates and spending money on gifts and such,
Have you reflected what you did for your loved ones?
What is your most romantic experience?
What was the most romantic thing that you did?

For me, my most romantic experience happened in the most unexpected situation.
I don't know if the other party felt it.
But I felt the romance, passion and love. :)
It happened about 2-3years ago?
I was looking after a sick boy on a vacation and he was sleeping beside me, sniffing, coughing and all.
I help feed him his medication and other herbal teas etc.
When we were sleeping, he rolled over and hugged me from behind and said:
"Thank you for looking after me, I love you."
And kissed me.
That was probably one of the best things that happened to us. :)

As for me, even though I am a very practical and realistic person.
I am
A sucker for romance.
Tell me which girl isn't!
I think I played a fair bit as the part of being a good girlfriend.
So I really have no regrets!

Well they say that when one relationship ends, it's an opening for a better and more stable one.
I didn't regret anything apart from how I could have given him more space. But still it's a good learning journey! :)

Okay, I am kinda excited for my early date tomorrow!
Gonna rest early!
Goodnight folks! :)

~love is in the air.

One Two, Twenty Two!

Geez I'm turning twenty two tomorrow.

Somehow birthdays seem less exciting after you pass 21...

Kinda not expecting anything this year, birthdays for me have always been a very low and unexciting event. Haha.

Okay, I shall stop moping in my misery.

This year I shall celebrate it at Zouk!

Did that for my 20th!

Hope this year will be something different,

something exciting,

and of cos I don't wanna get drunk and be a merlion.

Just gonna have some pure fun and maybe get free drinks?? *wink wink*

Somehow, I feel a little lonely that this year you're not around to take me out on my birthday.

My friends have been asking,

what do I want for my birthday?

Hmm I guess that would be an alone time with you?

At least let my heart have a closure to this.

I don't know if we can be friends,

I read somewhere that if two past lovers are still friends after a breakup,

it's either that they never fell in love with each other at all,

or they are still in love with each other.

Judging from what they tell me about you,

I know I don't exist in your life anymore.

And I know I gotta bloody move on..........................

I think I'm ready to fall in love again,

I feel ready to go on dates with other men again.

Just somewhere in my heart,

the memories of you still linger.

It's impossible to forget entirely,

but those lovely sweet memories,

I really cherished them.

Yes, I really do feel like I have lost a bestfriend.

Guess that's what till date that hurts me the most.

That aside,

Dearest friends,

I want a hunk for my birthday. Haha.

I want a soul mate.

I want to eat awesome buffet at Shangri La Hotel - The Line.

I want a new watch.

I want a new wallet.

I want hope.

I want love.

I want a pair of Jeffrey Campbell shoes.

I want abs and a V shape body.

I want my body fats to magically disappear.

I want my C-cup boobs back. LOL.

I want a holiday trip.

I want my NY/LA trip to be confirmed.

I want $$$$$$$$$$$.

Most of all, I just want to be happy.

Okay, I am so hungry now.

Shall run, do a workout and EATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.

making love to what was then.

Yes, so I've been thinking about you again.

How I would like you to hold me in your arms,

falling asleep,

feeling the sound of your breath on the nape of my neck.

How you would lightly kiss me on my forehead,

and whisper "I love you" in my ears.

Everything seemed so perfect then,

and now it just became a dream.

My friends wanted to kill me when I told them that I still love you.

I guess that's kinda expected.

For one, I don't know how to not love you.

You consumed so much of my life and I guess you could say I was obsessively in love with you.

Somehow the words "Can we start over?",

is at the edge of spilling out of my mouth.

It's just another dream.

We were so good together.

And that goodness was perfect while it lasted.

I don't even know if you'll be reading this,

but what I have been wanting to tell you is,

"Yes, I still love you."

Another crappy 2012 post! (lol i geddit I'm slow)

It's been awhile since I've last written anything here.

Well, truth be told, I'm just too busy for it, can't remember how I used to find time to write my daily crap here.

Okay honestly speaking, I am just lazy! Haha!

So it's 2012 now, don't worry the world isn't gonna end any time soon.

I still have yet to get my driving license, get married, have babies and be Beyonce's backup dancer. Lol.

Still, 2011 has passed so fast!

Perhaps, there were just too many things that occurred.

SOT, working life, the breakup and what not.

I thought it was going to be a bad year, afterall I went downhill and it took awhile for me to climb back up.

But I enjoyed the last few months of my 2011 thoroughly, the parties, the friends, the love and of cos reacquainting myself with God again.

On a side note, I really do enjoy my freedom.

Guess it's hard to tie an Aquarius down huh...

Okay that's a lie, just waiting for the right man, at the right time!

So while waiting, I say "Bring the boys out!!!!" HAHAHAHA. Just kidding.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

It's 2012!! And bloody hell, CNY is just around the corner!

(I haven't lost enough weight to put it back on during the festive season yet!)

I just wanna shoutout to all my lovely friends, thank you for being there for me, thank you for your love and thank you for being YOU!

Life's short people! So spend it with the people you love most preciously!

Beyonce - Love on Top

Bring the beat in!

Honey, honey
I can see the stars all the way from here
Can't you see the glow on the window pane?
I can feel the sun whenever you're near
Every time you touch me I just melt away

Now everybody asks me why I'm smiling out from ear to ear.
(They say love hurts)
But I know
(It's gonna take the real work)
Nothing's perfect, but it's worth it after fighting through my fears
And finally you put me first

Baby it's you.
You're the one I love.
You're the one I need.
You're the only one I see.
Come on baby it's you.

You're the one that gives your all.
You're the one I can always call.
When I need you make everything stop.
Finally you put my love on top.

Ooo! Come on Baby.
You put my love on top, top, top, top, top.
You put my love on top.
Ooo Ooo! Come on baby.
You put my love on top, top, top, top, top.
My love on top.
My love on top.

Come on Baby
I can feel the wind whipping past my face.
As we dance the night away.
Boy your lips taste like a night of champagne.
As I kiss you again, and again, and again and again.

Now everybody asks me why I'm smiling out from ear to ear.
(They say love hurts)
But I know
(It's gonna take the real work)
Nothing's perfect, but it's worth it after fighting through my fears.
And finally you put me first.

Baby it's you.
You're the one I love.
You're the one I need.
You're the only one I see.
Come on baby it's you.
You're the one that gives your all.
You're the one I can always call.
When I need you make everything stop.
Finally you put my love on top.

Ooo! Baby.
You put my love on top, top, top, top, top.
You put my love on top.

Ooo Ooo! Come on baby.
You put my love on top, top, top, top, top.
My love on top.

Baby it's you.
You're the one I love.
You're the one I need.
You're the only thing I see.
Come on baby it's you.
You're the one that gives your all.
You're the one I that always calls.
When I need you baby everything stops.
Finally you put my love on top.

Baby.You're the one I love.
Baby You're all I need.
You're the only one I see.
Come on baby it's you.
You're the one that gives your all.
You're the one I always call.
When I need you everything stops.
Finally you put my love on top

Baby.
Cuz You're the one that I love.
You're the one that I need.
You're the only thing I see.
Baby baby it's you.
You're the one that gives your all.
You're the one that always calls.
When I need you everything stops.
Finally you put my love on top

Baby.
Cuz You're the one that I love.
You're the one that I need.
You're the only thing I see.
Baby baby it's you.
You're the one that gives your all.
You're the one that always calls.
When I need you everything stops.
Finally you put my love on top

Baby.
Cuz You're the one that I love.
Baby You're the one that I need.
You're the only one I see.
Baby baby it's you.
You're the one that gives your all.
You're the one that always calls.
When I need you everything stops.
Finally you put my love on top

2012, Hello?

Another year passed, another season has begun... Finally gotten my hands on a pair of Steve Madden's! More Les Desirables!

- G Star Denim Jeans

- Jeffery Campbell Shoes

- Shu Uemura BB Mousse

- Shiseido Anessa Perfect Smooth Sunblock

- Swarovski Encrusted/White Gold-Diamond Cross Pendant and Necklace

- iPhone 4S

- New Wallet

- New Watch

- Wicked Musical

- Universal Studios Singapore

- MBS Hotel Stay

- MAC Studio Fix Foundation NC20 & Liquid Eyeliner

- MacBook Pro

- 48kg

- $7000 for U.S Trip

- Dance related job opportunities.

- Debt free

- Acne & hyperpigmentation free skin.

lol. Goals for this year!

This is for you... :)

Two is Better than One - Boys Like Girls

I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life and I thought
"Hey, you know, this could be something"
'Cause everything you do and words you say
You know that it all takes my breath away
And now I'm left with nothing

So maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
And maybe two is better than one
But there's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two is better than one

I remember every look upon your face
The way you roll your eyes
The way you taste
You make it hard for breathing
'Cause when I close my eyes and drift away
I think of you and everything's okay
I'm finally now believing

That maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
And maybe two is better than one
But there's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two is better than one


I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life and I thought, "Hey,"

Maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
Maybe two is better than one
But there's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking
I can't live without you
'Cause, baby, two is better than one
But there's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
But I'll figure it out
When all is said and done
Two is better than one
Two is better than one

wait for it

i have always been waiting,
waiting,
waiting,
waiting,
i just wanted you to fill all of me.
i just wanted you to woo me.
i guess this is every girl's desire,
to be wooed by the person they love,
and not the other way round.

somehow the past 2.5 years seem like a lie...
but i know what i felt,
what i've really loved,
was from my heart.
i don't just want you,
i want US.

and now,
i am stuck waiting again.
always waiting.
are you worth the wait?
i don't know,
but i remembered the man i was once in love with.
he definitely was worth everything.
i remembered the relationship we had,
it was worth my entire life.

i just wanna love again.
not with anybody,
but a special someone.

love lockdown

look,
i'm just gonna
forget
about this entire situation.

it pained the hell out of me
and i thought you deserved it too
but
it ends here.

your mind is a battlefield

so life has left me at crossroads again.
there's this constant war in my head which ceases to end.
i'm going back-forth in doing what's right and doing what i desire.
i battle against being happy by indulging in the wrong things and seeking God.
i war against my past memories and love.

seriously, i would rather wipe out everything in my head.
i would rather forget everything, everyone and start afresh.
perhaps i am just being selfish,
finding a route of escape,
but life holds no meaning for me anymore.
giving up is an option,
fighting back is also a choice.
clearly, as an SOT student, i should brave the odds and continue pushing on in life cos God's with me.
yes, that is the right thing i should do.
but hey God, i'm tired, is it ok if i take a break?
when i'm ready, when i'm done recuperating,
i want to say "I give You all of me.".
and when i say that, i won't look back with regrets,
i won't look back on my Egypt,
i want to look forward to the Promised Land.
during this time, i just want to prepare my heart for that day.

i just want to sincerely apologize to everyone that i have let down.
Gin,
Kenny,
Aaron,
Carol,
Team 6.
I plead for your forgiveness.
Sorry for disappointing you after six months and yet it seems i am unable to crucify my old man. Thank you for not giving up on me, i don't wanna let y'all down so i am still trying.
most importantly, i don't wanna let myself and God down.


that said, i hope my face cures soon...

caught in this rapture of love.

So this time around,
I'm going away again, without you.
The difference is we are not together anymore.
Yet, I am still hopelessly devoted, hopelessly in love, hopelessly waiting for you.
Not that I want to think that it is entirely hopeless,
you said this trying to you is 1% success and 99% failure,
but I see it the other way round.

People say love blinds people.
I say love accepts people.
I accepted you when you said you like being like this.
I accepted you when everything you do hurts and kills me inside.
I accepted you when you took advantage of me.
I accepted every bit of it.
No, I don't feel like I am being a fool,
I just want to love you in my way.

You say if you really love someone, let them go.
But it got me thinking,
if that's the case will anyone ever get married?
Will our parents still have hope in us, even if we commit mistakes after mistakes?
No...
I truly am caught in this rapture of love,
and I never want to just let it go.
Because you mean so much to me,
because you are worth loving,
because you complete me.

I don't even know if you read this,
but all these are words from my heart.
I mean every bit of it, every detail.
Perhaps I have told you more than once before,
but you might not haven taken my words seriously.
But I just want you to know,
You are special to me,
You are precious to me,
You are my joy,
and I love you still, every single day, every single moment of my life.

Sometimes I wonder,
if I went away for long, will you miss me?
Will you think of me? Will you love me more? Will you give us this chance again?
It tortures me to know that we are so close yet miles apart from each other.
I want to be your special person again,
I want to be the important woman in your life,
I want to be the one who understands you the most,
I want to be your girl,
the only girl in the world to shower you with love.

Whenever I think about this, I just feel like disappearing...
And not coming back.
Sigh.

Will you give me an answer soon?
When I'm back can the 1% success becomes 99.9999999% success instead?


I miss you.

to the boy i love

done with 2 sermons and 8 more to go...
i should be sleeping soon since preaching test is in a few hours time and i need to catch up on sleep!
since, i'm still awake,
thought that i should blog for a bit to update this space.

it's been what 6 days since we last talked,
i hope things are doing well for you,
i just want you to know that i still care and love you the same.
you say things will never be the same again, that i know very well,
because i want to believe things will be better than before.
you ask me "why do i love you so much?",
honestly speaking i can't find a specific answer to that question.
i love everything about you,
your laziness, your humor, your smile, your kindness, your patience, your tantrums...
perhaps i haven't been in the right state of mind,
because every word, every action you make still affects me.
i am not the most self-controlled person in the world,
and i am a girl.
when i'm angry, when i'm hurt, when i'm sad,
words just roll out without processing through my head.
and you and i know, that you're like that too.
as you're enjoying your current status,
i want to bring you back on memory lane,
the kind of happiness, peace, love and joy that we shared.
from our first dates, to our trips abroad together, to going the extra mile for each other...
take a look at the watch that i gave you, can we still live and love each other in this same timeline?
i really miss the boy that once loved me and the boy that i once loved.
the boy is selfless and so exquisite in my eyes.
the boy and i that complete each other.

i'm doing a lot better lately, not because i have moved on,
but because i have my friends support and i'm hoping to see that special smile for me once more.
there are so many things going on that i wish to share with you.
but i know you need time,
and i am giving you time.
i'm waiting for your call,
i'm waiting to see that boy becoming a man. :)

i know you feel that you don't need anyone in your life,
but i'm sure you know that isn't the case.
when you are down and out,
your friends are there for you,
i have been there for you,
listening to you thrashing all your displeasure,
though i couldn't help much, but i'm really thankful at that time you chose me.

so as july 18 comes,
i really hope that you would think seriously and think long term about this.
i don't see this relationship as a joke or a one-off play thing,
i was serious.
and i'm sure you feel the same.
you might think this might not benefit you in the long run,
but looking back those 2++ years we had,
did you really not benefit anything from it? :)

it is my desire to head into the unknown future with you,
to walk beside you equally,
to be respected, loved, cared by you,
as you are to me.
to be the most important person in your life.
you are so imperfectly perfect and i hope you still feel this way for us.
perhaps this time apart is really for us to build a stronger relationship together.
that i really don't know.
so don't say that you don't love me anymore,
don't say that you don't care about me anymore,
don't say that i am not important to you anymore,
and don't say that it is impossible for us anymore.

today, i am still waiting for your call.
i don't know how long it'll take,
but i believe you won't go back on your word.
i miss everything about you. :)

this isn't history.

it hurts too much to move on without trying.

i miss you like crazy every single day and when i see all these messages from you,

i love you more and i long more for us.

don't shut me out like that....

kaiwen - one part of my life is settled. all-about-me-kw.blogspot.com says:

hello

kaiwen - one part of my life is settled. all-about-me-kw.blogspot.com says:

i would still love u

kaiwen - one part of my life is settled. all-about-me-kw.blogspot.com says:

=)

Playin': David Cook - Come Back To Me

You say you gotta go and find yourself
You say that you're becoming someone else
Don't recognize the face in the mirror looking back at you

You say you're leaving as you look away
I know there's really nothing left to say
Just know I'm here whenever you need me I'll wait for you

So I'll let you go, I'll set you free
And when you've seen what you need to see
When you find you, come back to me

Take your time, I won't go anywhere
Picture you with the wind in your hair
I'll keep your things right where you left them
I'll be here for you

Oh and I'll let you go, I'll set your free
And when you've seen what you need to see
When you find you, come back to me

And I hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
You find you, come back to me

I can't get close if you're not there
I can't get inside if there's no soul there
I can't face you, I can't save you
It's something you'll have to do

So I'll let you go, I'll set you free
And when you've seen what you need to see
When you find you, come back to me
Come back to me

So I'll let you go, I'll set you free
And when you've seen what you need to see
When you find you, come back to me

And I hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
You find you, come back to me

You find you, come back to me
When you find you, come back to me
When you find you, come back to me


© STELLAR SONGS LTD;

burdened

Why do people not cherish each other? Taking things for granted all the time. You feel hurt, lost and unhappy, but have you thought about it yourself who is causing all these drama but yourself? I mean, sometimes we fall into such a trap that we set up, to get a taste of our own medicine, to want to know what the other party feels. But don't you think this is a little unfair for the person who is going through with you? Especially when it is occurring too many times?

Relationships are actually very simple. Do you love that person? Or do you not love that person? If you love him/her, it is very natural to want to do the best you can for that person. Without expecting the same in return. People express their love in various degrees, some can be passionate, words filled with sweet nothings. Others can be practical, being there for you, doing small things like bringing chicken soup for you when you are sick. The bottom line is to appreciate. Appreciate each other, every day, for the rest of your life that you are together. Cherish him/her when you have them beside you, little by little you will soon realize that they have become your support. No one can survive this world alone. You need a PERSON who understands you and cares for you, because that is how God made Man. He created a helper for Man, which is a Woman. So that when the two are joined, they become One.

So why are you still not appreciating and cherishing him/her? If I were in your shoes, I would reflect and think about the situation. Just think, did he/she really did nothing for you? Didn't he/she shower you with love and attention? Didn't he/she gave you comfort and love when you feel like the whole world was rejecting you?

In your place with such a great man/woman, I would love him/her with all my heart and soul. I would cherish everything. When everything seems impossible, I wouldn't say that it's pointless/useless and take off, I would put in every amount of effort I have to make this relationship work out because he/she is doing the best that he/she can. Can you not see how much he/she loves you? Are you blinded by the worldly things? What can be greater than love? Money? When you have all the money in the world, and realize that no one loves you, will you be happy? Even if you do settle down, are you really certain that he/she is loving you for who you are and not your money? If you have noticed, he/she truly loves you because they held on for so long, trying to work things out with the unchanging you... Sadly, you don't realize it.

I am not talking about my story. I just hope that people in love think about things like this before they seperate from each other. I speak from experience, because there are some things that I regretted not doing when I was in a relationship. If we had another chance, of course I would be more understanding, I would cherish, I would treasure, I would appreciate, I would support and most of all I would love. This is not compromising but loving with all that I can, that is just so simple.

Most of all, I hope you read this and reflect on your action/words. I'm worried and I just want the best for you. (not talking about my issue.)

i miss you

"I Miss You"

(I miss you, I miss you)
Hello there, the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
We'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never ends

(I miss you, I miss you)
(I miss you, I miss you)

Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted
Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight

Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)
[x3]

(I miss you, I miss you) [x4]







if i could take back all that i have said and done,
all my past mistakes,
i would have.
but i can't.
these things happen to let me know,
how much you've love me,
and how i love you so.
can you forgive me?
i'm just a silly little girl.
i can't explain this emptiness inside,
can you make me whole again?
baby, please don't go...

喝酒的伴
一起看电影的伴
早午晚餐的那个伴
朋友不能留得太晚
明天要上班
唱K的伴 一起去旅行的伴
听懂我的笑话的伴
我的生活
只差那个人就美满


[Chorus]
快乐少一人分享
快乐就只剩一半
喝一碗汤
心怎么都不够暖
这张被单 这张睡床
再舒服都觉得太宽
没人分享
幸福就只剩一半
就算把日子都填满
节日却提醒我孤单


没有想法
有想法又能怎样
只能写部落格整晚
几个留言安慰不了
心里的遗憾
没有负担
原来也是种负担
自由多得让人心慌


“你羡慕我那要不要跟我交换”

[ Repeat Chorus]

没人知道 我多孤单

Turning 21 in 21 days

Hi all! It's been so long since I've last blogged! I bet I say this everytime, but today is kinda special cos today marks the countdown of 21 days till my 21st Birthday! Seriously, I wanted to throw a small get-together at a chic little cafe with my friends (not that I have alot) and enjoy a good time. However there are some complications like money and my mother who keeps insisting that I shouldn't celebrate it resulting in so much nagging that I have concluded to not celebrate my birthday. Makes things alot easier and cheaper!


Looking back, I always looked forward to my birthdays cos I get presents (duh) and people treat me nicer on that day, but in the recent years, I have not been enjoying my celebrations. I don't know why? Afraid to grow old? Have white hair or wrinkles? Heh. I ain't too sure myself. I guess I always enjoyed the attention, and that's the end of it. From young, you can say that I couldn't get the attention from my parents as during the crucial childhood phase, my parents were both busy attending to my baby sister and was constantly neglecting me. The most vague memory I can recall them looking out for me is when I refused to study and ended up getting whacked by my mother. Lol! Those were the days. I remember it being very tough, because I wasn't brought up to express myself outwardly, so I kept all the negative emotions inside, hating my family, my life and I was constantly rebelling. My mother told me many times when I was young that I was 'Stupid' and said things like 'I give up on you' when I was 12 and I could understand and feel the pain for such words. I guess that was when I lost all my self confidence, my esteemed and myself.


I was constantly caring about how people see me, I don't have faith, in simple words I lost it. I longed for someone to talk to, to share all these feelings. But I couldn't even admit to myself that I was experiencing all these, much less to disclose it to someone else. What made it worst was Puberty. My skin broke out, I suffered from acne and tremendous weight gain. My height stunted and never felt uglier in my life.


It was hard to admit to myself things would have been a little better if I could be honest and tell my parents about it. Instead of bottling up everything and creating more problems such as sucidal thoughts, depression and what not. I am very lucky to have met certain people in my life today that brought me to God. My relationship with my parents have never been better, we talk like old friends and I started understanding them better. Being involved in a religion was a stepping stone for me. I begin to let myself believe in something called Faith and that was the best gift that God has given me, apart from Dance. Without Faith, I wouldn't have the strength and determination to continue dancing (remember I was fat and uglier, plus my ballet teacher always scolds me and made me cry in class whilst dancing, looking back I'm glad I have all these experiences to share!).


I guess I was also often misunderstood quite a bit cos perhaps I still am not used to telling people about everything that I am feeling, I am learning guys! Bear with me. I guess I am just the kind who's afraid of getting rejected or boring people out! Hahaha. Oh well, I look so scary most of the time cos I don't really know how to approach people plus I shy. Oops. Hehe. Hopefully I will gain more confidence in all the things that I do and look forward to my brightly shining future! LOL.


So now, as I am hitting the age of adulthood, I guess I really wanna thank many people in my life:
1. My dearest family for giving me shelter, care and unconditional love.


2. My dearest friends from TPDE who opened my eyes to the world, laughter, joy, love and good times (plus many more to come!).
3. The instructors in O School for always inspiring and encouraging me.


4. Special shoutout to Gin for giving me shelter in the House of God and always giving timely advices and paving a certain direction for me to work harder to chase after.


5. KOSMIC CREW - you girls and our camaraderie that's something that can never be replaced. Thanks for all the sweat, tears, fireballs and lotsa goooood loving!
6. DN1, don't know what I'll do without you guys! It's like having an external family here.
7. Suz and Charlene for 8 years of great friendship!


8. To my dearest who has been through hell with me (cos I give him hell, sorry baby!) and of cos plenty of good times too. Thank you for loving all side of me, ugly, crazy and silly parts included! :)

Yeah, I am so grateful for everything, but I won't just stop here and be complacent cos I am contented. I want to do greater things and work harder for the goals He has set for me. I have this desire to do more, help more, give more and love more. Life will not be life if we don't make Life what we what it to be! I have so many inspirations for my years ahead! I want to be able to see it come to life! No matter how many times I fail and fall back, I believe these failures will be the experiences that enable me to accomplish my dreams. Sure, there will be more crying, sadness and despair but on top of all that I am sure joy, love, happiness and accomplishment will abolish all these initial, negative emotions!


Currently, I am still slowly accepting to become a better person, it is a timely process but I believe it will happen! So for my 21st birthday, I really appreciate everything that I have. My family, friends and my life. I thank you all for that! :D

Okay I am ending this post with a Birthday Wishlist, haven't done this in years and perhaps to hint to Kaiwen what he can get me! Hahaha!

Wishlist:
1. A good dancer's body, feel and techniques! (Lol)
2. A good wide head epilator. (Sorry I very hairy!!!)
3. Good grades from graduating from SOT.
4. A Swarovski/Diamond encrusted small Christ(cross) necklace.
5. OMG airtickets to New York please!
6. A job that I will come to love and enjoy!
7. Something branded? <----- lol typical 21st birthday wish.
8. Scholarship to study dance.
9. Ooooh trip to Japan (to study dance), lol all dance related!
10. Nike Mid Troup in White!
11. A new carry all bag that makes me look slim. LOL.
12. Better skin.
13. Tremendous weight lost to lean muscles!! Ideal = 48kg! PLS PLS PLS! HAHAHAHA.
14. A great dinner without me paying. :D
15. One night stay in some boutique hotel so I can wake up and say 'WAH ORCHARD IN THE MORNING SO PEACEFUL.'
16. A nude high wasited short shorts that minimizes my gigantic ass.
17. Great friendship for many years ahead!
18. A new wallet!
19. Aiyah, more money lo, what else right?!
20. Another family holiday, this time together with my Boy!
21. LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Moving on...

I haven't been connecting to the world ever since the Carebears stint which is currently still ongoing... Tonnes of things that I wanna do/go/see but I haven't had the time, especially with this killer weather which is causing me to get flu, sore throat and fever! :(

Still I have to work later! Hope my brain won't die on me!

Things that I wanna do/get/whatever:

1. Catch C.S.I Experience at SDC

2. Use my Desperado's Bigdeal coupon @ Sentosa

3. Catch Rapunzel: A tangled tale, The Social Network (is it still showing??), Easy A

4. Use my Modesto's @ Elizabeth 1 for 1 coupon

5. Get an epilator (been wanting one since a year ago..)

6. Pretty wedges that I wanna get...

All these need money and I am vehemently sad that I don't have that kinda money... 30th Dec is my 2nd visit to KKH = more money! Plus, another booboo this Dec is I won't get to celebrate Christmas... Major BOO! I love Christmas, oh well... I must think positively and not predict I will have a lonely Christmas this year!

Hope things will just get better cos God is Good!

Thank you...

This week has been amazing! First things first, can y'all believe it, O SCHOOL RECITAL 2010 is actually happening tomorrow!! Excited yet I wished it would happen later! Not that I don't feel prepared or anything, it's just that once recital is over, there will be an empty block in my life. I will probably miss Wednesday and Sunday rehearsals, miss heading to O School just to train with everyone, miss the laughter, sweat and the dancing! I will probably feel very lonely then. Every time I do recital, I feel like I am involved in something amazing, something that people get to see for a short while on stage, but it took us a month or two to prepare. I enjoyed the process more than anything and it is always sad to see it end. This year will be a little different since there will be 3 shows; Sat, 7pm & Sun 3 & 7pm! Thank you everyone who has been supporting O SCHOOL RECITAL, cos we've got 3 SOLD OUT SHOWS!!!!!!! :D

With this, I would like to thank O School and all their instructors for always guiding us and giving us the opportunity to perform on such a big stage. Personally, I feel everyone in O School is so exquisite, always lending a helping hand, no matter in life or personal matters! I don't know what I will become if I haven't attended my first O School class back then in Bras Basah! So I really thank God for O School!

And to my dear Kosmic crew, Tuesday night was really fun! I always enjoyed my time with you guys! I will probably miss Marcia alot when she is leaving, cos there will be no one to make us laugh! Okay, please promise that we will go for one more night out before Marcia leaves!!

To my boy, sorry this year I can't go all out for your birthday like I usually do, cos I gotta save money for my hospital bills! But I hope you will still get to enjoy your day with me! ;)