What '-ship'? Oh that...

After thinking for many months and talking to some lovely people yesterday, I have decided to pen down the extra 'feelings' I have for a certain group of friends.

I don't really care now that my circle of close secondary school friends have dwindled down to a single digit 2, I don't care if the rest are fucked up/angry with me and I don't care if you were pissed with me for what happened in September last year.

But I do know now that I still have 2 very good friends from my puberty days growing up with me and moving on in life.

Frankly speaking, I do feel guilty for not having enough time or putting enough effort in meeting up with the rest, I was pursuing my dream, my passion, my goal. Is that so wrong for me to do so? I don't think so. You might think that I am selfish, but I am just aiming for my goals, moving on with life, heading towards the direction that I want to head to. Like I said, I admitted my negligence on the group and I am sorry for that. For putting you guys off or turning down events because I am packed with last minute rehearsals and what not. Most of the days where you guys are available, I have rehearsals. When I am free, you guys are not. It is just difficult to compromise to a suitable timing. Even so, some of us are still able to meet up without being pushy or demanding about it.

Just to clear things up about what happened in September, I was super eager to meet up and celebrate, I even agreed and said I had bought the present already, so I won't be sharing that. (FYI no one replied to that and kept me to share for present and I don't know what.) Then I had last minute rehearsals, and I asked if we could do something else instead cos I thought it would be too costly on your pockets if I wasn't there (perhaps I didn't explain clearly) and you got pissed with me for that. I'm sorry if I am such a broke miser that I cannot such a luxurious gift for my friend, but it is the thought that counts right?

Just so you know, I am totally cool now that you guys don't ask me out or whatsoever, I have someone to share this feeling with me.

And from this, I know what REAL FRIENDSHIP is.

Friendship is not determined by the quantity of time spent, but the quality of each rare, precious moment is shared with your friends. Seriously I treasured all my friends, no matter how much differences we have, I just have a different outlook of it.

Now I know, I have a group of close friends that keep me sane and make me insane at the same time, the group that seen the good, bad and ugly sides of me and still cherish me even though I cannot meet up with them (perhaps meet only once/twice a year?).

And I know, that we will be friends for life.

I am not talking about everyone in this post... perhaps just two people. Oh well, stay happy and don't bitch too much. Karma can be a very cruel thing. No hard feelings okay.

Okay, I gotta hibernate and protect myself cos I believe people will start cursing from this post onwards.

there's a little something...

i have this sudden inkling,

a sudden discomfort deep in my heart.

no i ain't thinking too much,

i'm just pondering about love.

what does love derive from?

happiness? what is true happiness?

all of a sudden, i feel that i can't love again,

not because you aren't here,

but more of i'm scared of getting hurt.

i never wanna fall back to where i begin.

so i'm praying lord, for you to shower a little happiness in all our hearts.

our lives,

and souls.

not just me,

but my friends too please!

we need your help now,

cos all we've lost can't be found.

we just need a little thing called faith,

and strength comes in handy at the end.

I WANNA BE HAPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

fist time, i feel so very sad/affected because of my friends problems.

ahhhhhh.

gone

When things are changing, you can't help but wonder what went wrong. It is definite that there will be finger pointing and people pushing the blame, refusing to admit that they had their part to play too. All these are just inevitable.

I'm sorry for all the hurt I have caused and whatever that is my fault. I always say 'Sorry', I hope you realized that and maybe do the same to me too, when you're at fault.

Now the there are two solutions, to walk out of it or to keep being patient until the right day has come. And I am at a loss, too many saying 'Let Go', but all I wanted was for things to be better. I hope I can find the strength in Him right now, to make the right decisions.

How much is Forever?

Just when I thought my mentor was gone, you walked into my life with funny antics.

God's blessing.

Friends forever. :D

When you cried, all that overcome me was guilt for hurting you.

Thank you for all the feelings. :) Love you.

Our last family trip in 5 or more years?

I want to earn enough to bring you guys out of Asia. :)

Dad, when I was fat and ugly, you embraced me.

When I was tired and battered, you teared for me.

When I was, happy and jubilant, you never left my side.

Thank you.

After reading The Time Traveller's Wife, My Sister's Keeper and the news of Melissa Toh, I question myself to - How much is Forever? We all live in a world that comes to an end some day, maybe not now, not 2 months later or 5 years down the road. Somehow, the world that is said to come to a standstill is degenerating slower than we can see that predicted day. We all leave first. To where? I don't know, some people say we become ghosts, some say we disappear, but I would like to believe that we go into Heaven. Into God's arms.

When I read these books, I feel immature, childish, stupid for worrying about that zit on my face, to being insecure about my weight - resulting in me shutting myself out from the world that is changing constantly. The books taught me an important lesson, what is there to life if you don't love and give? I guess loving people in your lifetime can be the greatest gift on Earth besides giving. I know those with broken hearts are gonna curse me to the max now, but perhaps we are just loving wrongly?

I remembered once in Cellgroup, Kenny talked about love, about how We - each and every single one of us are always desperately finding love with other people who don't love us. For example, you have a family, wonderful husband, and two lovely children. Yet you are constantly out there, trying to get people to likfe you, be it from your boss, colleagues or even the pantry lady. All these efforts that you have put into, if directed to your family back home, wouldn't you reap greater results? Your family are people who already and have been loving you for so long and yet humans, greedy as ever crave for more.

I am not saying that you cannot go out there and make friends or be nice to people, I am just saying why should we try so hard on people who don't care about us and put these efforts into people who do.

With this, I would love to thank my wonderful but at times annoying family & boyfriend, for never giving up on me, my friends that I met in dance who have seen the worst and best of me and the people I met from oschool/church/cellgroup. Thank you for letting me learn so much.

May God bless everyone.

Universal Studios Singapore

About two weeks or so ago, Kaiwen brought me on a trip to Universal Studios. Actually, it was his mum who bought the tickets for us cos it was her company's event. There were only three rides opened that night, Shrek, The Mummy ride and another mini-coatser located at Land Faraway.

The Mummy ride wasn't too bad, one of the better indoor rollercoaster rides; Shrek was awesome!!!! 4G ftw.

We didn't sit the last ride as we were busy munching on Goldilocks, it's a food and beverage outlet that serves fried chicken! HUGE fried chickens in fact that melts in your mouth! It's similar to popeyes, but bigger in size and much more appetising!

Okay enough of talking, peektures time!!! :)

Ohohoh, I forgot to say that we watched the Water World(?) show too! Very exciting, funny and just simply dope!

updates of updates!

Wow. How long has it been since I've last blogged?

Things have been going pretty well, I have tonnes to update. Since GEM 5, Choreographer's Ball, Universal Studios trip, Taipei Graduation Trip etc. etc.

This week has been pretty hectic! After we landed, there were just countless of activities waiting for me!

Meeting with the clique of my favourite babes and our babies. Lol, clubbing out of the blue at Rebel, the music was bad bad bad and tonight night cycling!

I hope I won't get into any accident because I didn't have enough sleep!

Okay, update again!

Love,
Sam

blessed

Been really busy/lazy/whatever... LOL.

Excited about many things coming ahead!

God is good all the time, continually blessing us. :)

I don't wanna let hime down, please let me do things the right way...

Taiwan trip ahead.

New reggae classes?? :) (in process)

Part-time job soooon.

Flashmob/SDD!

Can't wait to start life anew.