Days have past and I am here to talk about it.
First things first, I'm glad that the civil war in Sri Lanka between the Tamil Tigers and militants have came to an end on the coast of Sri Lanka. People were rejoycing on the streets and celebrating it. Finally peace has come for them, they waited their entired lives for this, but those people, selfish and ignorant only caring about themselves, continued it for many years despite the civillians plea. Now, they day has finally come! So happy for peace!
These days past slowly and I got myself thinking again. Ever felt that you were close to this person, but the person does not feel the same? Where did all the effort in the friendship go to? So it was plainly based on gifts, late night talks and fame? I don't get it why people are like that. I thought there was this mutual trust, but it is all based on my one person's point of view. Seriously, if you don't like me just say, no point putting up a facade just to accomodate people around you. I don't think I did any wrong, I may not be a perfect person, but at least my conscience is clear.
I know I am not 100% pure or great in any sense, I do have bad intentions in my head sometimes when things pisses me off. However, I am not that bad to the extent whereby I CARRY OUT MY ACT. It's so disgusting to do such a thing! So what? You think everyone revolves around you and has to give in to you so that you can get the best out of it? Please la, I don't know whether you'll still change, I've told myself countless times, forgive and forget. I think by the time all these ends, the amount of forgiveness I have put into for you, I would have become a well that doesn't run dry.
Maybe things have changed, I don't know. To me the friendship is still there, just that it is in coma. I don't get it.Why it would turn out like that. I just hope that you'll know your mistakes and change for the better.
Next, I am quite upset by something that has been lingering in my heart for so long. I remembered there was once we had an arguement about it, you all said we were being too close and felt leftout. Now who's the one leaving who out? It is not as if we did not try to reach out to you guys again, I mean things were a tad bit sensitive after that, but all in all it turn out well. There goes my hopes again, I feel very 'thrown away' in a sense whereby, the 4 of you will always be the 4 of you and we whom I thought were the best girls, never existed. I know these are all my thoughts, but evidence was thrown right smack in my face. I just have to suck it up and accept it. I know some loves of mine feel the same, others who are stronger told me it's okay to move on. I don't wanna get stuck in a rut because of it either. Just swallow it up and move on.
It is very heartbreaking to be going through this time and again. I just wish my circle of friends, who I can depend on for life will appear in my eyes. I have been searching and searching but to no avail, my only comfort and listener right now is the Boyfriend. I wonder, when will they appear? Individuals with like minds, compassion, individuality, similiar goals? I hope God plants them on Earth asap!
I'm just sick and tired of all these nonsense, but I am not wavering out, I am just taking my time to overcome it and I know I will be able to. Days ahead will be going to pack and busy, perhaps by then I would have forgotten and will be too busy to think about it anymore. I wanna strive for my goals: Dance. I had a feeling this year will be a year full of self-actualisation and achievement. I don't know why I had these kinda thoughts, I believe it is a revelation and I am going to work for it. Slough it out till my skin wrinkles and muscles ache.
I am trying to revive a group that has been very important to me, I hope you guys will support and not back down. The only reason why I didn't want it at first cos I wanted to try something new, something that I had faith in too. I hoped for all of us to be in, but there were too many complications and I could not make any particular decisions cos I know I will be ousted if I did. But you see, nobody will be able to see this, except me. So, please stop assuming what so ever,I tried my best but this is life, it doesn't go the way you want it to.
Sorry for this major post! It is just everything that I have been bottling up. I caught a cold over the weekend and I ain't feeling too good. Oh yeah, I danced to a praise song in church over the weekends too, it had been an amazing experience!
Last thing before I go, the dance studio that I am teaching a will be having their openhouse on the 6th of June, details will be posted up again. I hope you guys will come as I will be having a FREE REGGAE DANCE trial class! Hahaha! Support the dance industry yo! Other instructors include, Hanafi, Malex, Orange and Robin! I will post the details later, so remember to keep your day free! :)
