my mum's mad
she thinks she's my new bodyguard.
she wants to marry me off as quickly as possible(any takers?)
she thinks i'm cold-hearted
she thinks she knows everything
but she doesn't.

i think i might go haywire.
in terms of sexuality.
i might.

i used to think that the world is crazy,
but when i reflect what i have said,
i realised the crazy one is me.

the fake smiles and superficial personalities
i write about in my diary,
depicting people who i see,
i found out i was not talking about them,
i was talking about me.

i feel happy and sad at the same time.
happy because i love my class and friends,
the laughter and joy they give me.
sad because i know when school ends that day
no one will ever bother about it anymore.

janna once told me when we were having dance
"Sam, you're so vulnerable."
deep down i was like, who are you trying to kid?
everyone thinks i am strong,
everyone thinks i am cold-hearted,
everyone thinks i am able to hold myself really well.

Calm and composed,
i may seem.
however, that is not the real me.

i have been creating a superficial image of me.
the big, bad, rebel, no-nonsense chick.
one who could take all the shit,
and kick all the guys asses like it's no biggie.

it was fun at first
then it had became lonely.
i was in this game alone,
where's the enemy?
my nemisis?
my backhand man?
my soul mate?
not there. never had anyone been there.

it is pretty amusing to see myself fall into such a pit
so what if my secrets are uncovered?
i am not going to use some lame excuse to avoid being embarrased anymore

i want to start anew
the birth of the new me.