the road to solitution

I don't know what to say.
For something like this that shouldn't have happened.
It's like everything that built up, went all the way back to square one again.

Nobody bother to see, just sticking to their own opinions and actions.
Sometimes, I really don't see a point in it.
I don't know why I keep allowing myself to get pulled in.

Just imagine, the things you said and done to someone you love,
and that moment was the deciding factor to make or break it,
it could have been your last with the other party.

Why don't people take chances in that moment?
Grab hold of opportunties, instead of living life in regret.
I want to make the most of life, before it gives up on me.

I'm planning for the future already, I don't know if it'll happen,
but I know for certain parts of my life, I am unsure if it'll stay the same.

I read this book by James Patterson just the other day,
Suzanne's Letters for Nicholas.
It touched my heart, I recall the book saying.
In life, there is a rubber ball and the rest of them are glass balls.
What are the glass balls?
Health. Family. Friends. Relationships.
Rubber ball?
Work.
Dropping one glass ball means shattering everything, but the rubber ball will always bounce back no matter what.
Okay, I know I don't explain things well, but I hope you guys who read understand what I am trying to say.

I think it just hurts when the people that matters most in your life do not bother at all.
Ah, freakkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.

blah 2

I've been pretty busy lately and I have many things to update about, for example Bangkok Trip 2009, filming for KFC commercial, training for Hair Show showcase, hanging out with JJ at Orchard Central etc.

I am just too tired and plain lazy to do it right now, just wanna muck around in bed, fall asleep and live in my dreams. I really hate this part right here, this period of moodswings just before my period starts. Moodswings + Tired = VERY PMSY. I still know how to control la, but I feel so uneasy and frustrated all the time. I have tried very successfully to keep my cool, except for that one time with Mum, I completely blew up and WW3 almost occurred.

I can't stand it when people touch my things now.
I hate it when the Boyfriend 'plays' with other girls.
Can't take it when he doesn't give in to me (very selfish i know).
I will get pissed when I talk about irritating people.
Can't stand some people.
Cannot stand myself even more.
ARGH.

Okay, I must just psycho myself to think that periods are a good thing.
Hurhurhur.

I feel so unloved.

All the best to Appendix D and the other TPDE teams!

Life

i guess the reason why i was afraid to come back is because i was afraid of this.
i forgot to breathe again.
i wonder is it because i felt so relaxed there,
the problems/work related issues back home are just stressing me out.
i get scared when i gasp for air later.
how can i not breathe?


people just don't appreciate the things they have for now.
yes, you can have a lot of things,
that are too complicated and too tough for you to handle,
but when someone is gone,
regret wouldn't bring you anywhere.

you might think that person/thing will always be here.
but that isn't the case,
people move on,
things depreciate over time.
why can't you just make the most of what you have now?

sometimes, waiting isn't the best option at all.
don't take things for granted.
love someone wholeheartedly,
not just based on words,
but through actions and sincerity.

the unfortunate past

everytime i read about your past,
about what she writes about you,
and all that you had done for her,
i think about the times you told me your feelings for her.

i wondered why i didn't step in first?
perhaps cos everyone will be and was on her side,
making me feel insignificant,
like i shouldn't belong,
where there isn't space for me.
the insecurity sets in,
and all i can think about is what will happen from now on.

i don't know.
what matters most is that we're together now.

SAWADEE BANGKOK!

HELLO EARTHLINGS! SAWADEEKA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Greetings from Bangkok! We are all doing good, but we miss everyone back home. Except for Kat and Sayliang of cos, they have each other here!

Anyway, I feel that I have put on weight despite the amount of spicy food I have consumed for the past three days! DIE!!!!!!!!!!!! I have to lose weight like crazy when I get back home.

Another funny thing, Meichin and I are the only ones in the Cybercafe typing away like crazy! Tryng to make the most of our time and BAHT here!

Okay, shall post more when I get back home.

And, if you guys miss me just text me okay! It's nice to see people texting me when I am in a foreign land, especially someone who didn't even bid me goodbye nor texted me till I asked Joyce to ask him to!!!! :(

Hahaha! I love you baby.

I just feel so insecure right now... Hmm.

RCA tomorrow and perhaps Khao San!

Bye bye! :)

BANGKOK CALLING!

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Samansarii's big travel day is finally here!!!!!!!!!
WE ARE GOING TO BANGKOK IN 5 HOURS TIME!

So eggciting! :)

Okay, this blog will be dead for awhile, not as if it's very happening here.
See you mamacitas and papas!

I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND, FRIENDS AND FAMILY! :)

WHY WHY WHY WHY?

When I started this post I wanted to vent all my anger in here.

Now, all I can think about, or should I put it in another way, are all the worries that build up inside my puny head.

It is not that I do not have faith in myself or my life. It is a next phase now, how will I get about doing it?
Seriously, I don't know how am I gonna keep up with it.

This is the reason why I cannot let life lead me and just be merry and smile. This is the reason why I have some reasons, likes/dislikes of doing things. This is also the reason why, nobody can understand me and some people actually dislike me for it as they think I am stubborn. The thing is, they don't understand what I am going through and I do not blame them for it. This is life. I cannot please everyone, everyday I try my best just to please myself and the people I love. Yes, that is my priority, therefore my mind has no other space for other people/friends who are acquaintances. Sorry, but it is true. If I cannot make it up to myself and my close ones, least to say for the other people.

Everything seems so difficult now, I wanna dance. I can dance, but the body fails my thereafter. Multiple health problems start to rise and it is difficult to even just stand without my mind spinning/blanking out now. Financially, I am trying to get more jobs, it is tiring and shit. I am trying! I really need the money, to support myself so that I will not be a financial burden to my parents. Does anyone understand? I am also constantly under pressure in this family, I have to do well in school, mediate the relationship between my parents and lighten the financial load. I am trying my best, can anyone see it? No. Okay, I sound like I am complaining here, but I just need to release it somewhere that I will not get into trouble. Kaiwen seems so far away now. Everyday we have little or no communication at all. I totally understand that since he is joining Suntec, he will not have additional time to accompany me. In fact, I want to be supporting him all the way and I really hope they make it to the finals and bring glory to TPDE once more! GO GO GO! However, I cannot help but feel lonely. We talk for at most 15 minutes on rare occasions, text once a day at most? He is always busy and I am supposed to be studying, not thinking of him.

OK STOP!

I shall quiit drowning in my misery and start doing something.

I will get another job, yes my third job to support myself.
I will do well for tomorrow's paper.
I will not have thoughts that Kaiwen is cheating on me. (Okay, I had before.)
I will be faithful to him no matter how long we have not talked.
I will Dance my heart out.
I will always remember the people who appreciate me and love me, yes all my dear friends!!!


Goodnight Folks~

ugh

I CAN"T EFFING BREATHE PROPERLY!

Please tell me I am just hyperventilating.
Mum's forcing me to the clinic tomorrow. :(

I AM FREAKING HEALTHY!



:(

Long Weekend

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I've had a crazy weekend.

Let me see, Friday, went for an interview, doubt I will get it though, the girls are super competitive, somehow I want it cos' I need income! Headed to Dempsey for the first time after that, visited Spa Espirit to my wax. I am hairless now, double yay! Went to look for Meiqi after that. I swear Ion LOVEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS me. I walked for about 15mins before I found Burger King and another 15mins to get out of that friggin' place! It's huge and nice, but I hate the crowd! Headed to opposite SMU's 7-11 to look for the Boyfriend after that, chat and went home.

Saturday, taught class to a bunch of kids. Headed to Expo for evening Church service, off to Far East to meet a couple of cool kids. Watched Orphan, the movie is seriously disturbing, half the time I was covering my eyes with a hoodie and my fingers were stuck in my ears. Didn't bring my keys so I bunked in Kevin's house with JJ. I slept first before they headed to Dreamland. :)

Sunday, got up at 9am, prepared for Sentosa outing. Had tonnes of fun! Love, love, love! Slept like a baby after that.

Today, I woke up with a splitting headache and the ache goes right down to my lower back. Not a good feeling at all. Felt sick the entire day, coughing, aching, puking. Ugh.

Need to study soon, I spent the entire day recuperating from the tiresome weekend. On a lighter note, I am heading to BKK this Sunday! Can't wait to leave Singapore and shop like a fanatic.

Okay ciao!

Weird

My body's weird.

Period's been here for almost a week.
Usually it last about 5 days?

I don't know what's wrong.
Stress?
Too much alcohol?
Lack of sleep?
Loss of appetite?
WHAT?!?!

I'm getting really irritated.















To someone I know, I am happy yet sad at the same time when I found out you have someone else in your life.
Hmmm.
Though this weird mix of feelings, I will give you my blessings. :)

Land of Smiles

It's been some time I have anything happy to write about.

The end semester tests are coming, this Thursday and Friday as well as the last paper on 14th of July to be exact. Oh well, all is good. I have been pretty diligent in my revision and am mugging the entire afternoon in school till the lab closed. Things have been going well. I feel much better now after Friday. It's good that I have someone that I can relate to, who understands and tries her best to guide me. Thank you Gin.

The next good news is....

I AM GOING TO BANGKOK!

I know! It is so sudden. I reckon it'll be a good getaway for me. To take a timeout and just relax and have fun, doing what girls do best... SHOPPING & EATING!!! I'll be away from the 16th to 20th August! Don't miss me much. Luckily, I have my flygirls Chin and Kat to accompany me, okay okay I never forget about Sayliang! HAHAHA~

I am so eggcited for the trip. Can't believe we are actually going on holiday! Initially we were just casually talking about it and now all the plans are put into place! I cannot wait for it to happen!

Before that, I need to do well for my papers and work hard in teaching my dance students! Really thankful to God that this trip is finally surfacing! Thank you!

Hmm.. on a sidenote, naval piercing anyone?