haha.. s0 many pPl kEep askin mE t0 updat3 my bl0g.. so s0rry.. mE ( thiS pig ) to0 lazy lE.... haha, these few days i learnt s0mething, i CANNOT b unhappy lE... mus always bE happy even th0ugh n0t happy, thEn i will n0t b s0 negativE... Really l0ve my life n0w lo... cos evErythin g0in very smo0thly xcept f0r my studiEs nEed 2 buCk up le.. I WAN TUITION!!! lolxXx... haha i realise s0methin leh... i like playin gb with pat... hE in gb like so shuai likE tt sia.. s0 pro... c lE every1 will envy l0lxXx... thEn everytimE tag witH him, likE *wah, i with a pr0* lolx... s0 happy!! hEhehEhehEhe~ erm.. yeah, saw tt jasminE* in thE t0liet noh.. shE so scary sia... hahaha, kEep lo0kin at mE... i th0ught i dE zui ppl... she very cutE lEh!!!! lolxXx hEr st34d so talL... I WAN HIS HEIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!! lolx.. latEr no onE wan mE... hahaha.. yEah al0t of things happEn this wEek l0... Suz finally g0t over si kai.. likE s0meone else... but tt bastard s0 damn flirt, he t0ld her he likes s0meone else le..!!! *b0ilin* WTF~ u stupid m0ron, think u s0 go0d ah.. go play with her feElins... i wilL whack u dE!!!!! h0pe Suz can get over him to0.. mEi* it's jus an infatuation only... dun b s0 sad alright? thEse few days hav the mo0d 2 play mahj0ng.. duNn0 y lEh.. think very fun bah, thE pong~hu~chi~ very exciting.. lolx thEse few days can say i hav g0ne craziEr... duNno y.. m i weird? anyway, i dun gv a damn.. haha.. wann4 g0 watch my girl~ leh... but n0body wanna pEi me g0... so b0red stuck @ home... pls ask mE out!!!! hahaha... k la... very latE le... dun wish to writE lia0... nitE pPl!!

blastin' Maro0n 5 - This l0vE...

I was so high I did not recognize
The fire burning in her eyes
The chaos that controlled my mind
Whispered goodbye and she got on a plane
Never to return again
But always in my heart

This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore

I tried my best to feed her appetite
Keep her coming every night
So hard to keep her satisfied
Kept playing love like it was just a game

Pretending to feel the same
Then turn around and leave again

This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore

I'll fix these broken things
Repair your broken wings
And make sure everything's alright
My pressure on her hips
Sinking my fingertips
Into every inch of you
Cause I know that's what you want me to do

haix.. so many days i havE n0t updatEd le... feEling s0 siCk... l0nely...... every0ne so craZed over mahj0ng... fun la, fun until n0 onE to talk t0.. i say "hi" t0 pat dunn0 h0w many timEs le.. he never reply... s0me more everytme aftEr i say "hi" he g0es offlinE... bl0ck mE izzit.. *lao ma, i takin initiativE h0r... but everytimE i did, i'm negleCted? *sighs... i t0ld myself lE.. get 0veR him, get ovEr him, gEt oveR him!!! but in thE end i end up thiNking ab0ut thiS kinda stuff... s0metimEs i wiSh we weRe nevEr t0gethEr.. just bE friEnds will d0... maybE then i wilL n0t g0 thr0ugh so many sad timEs bah.. i think iS bec0s of him dE... *sighs... dunn0 wat 2 say, dunNo wat 2 beliEve, n0thin u saiD bef0re is c0ming truE... i likE mahjong, u likE it to0.. but onE day if i lay siCk here... n ovEr there is a mahj0ng gamE where all uR friEnds r asKin y0u to j0in... whiCh wilL u cho0se? mahj0ng or seE me? surEly mahj0ng dE... no d0ubts ab0ut it... wat's supposed to b thought ab0ut hav already beEn thought... wat's supposed to be cried ab0ut.... thE tears have already dr0pped... can't changE time... n0w things can only be healed... i dun wanna think so much about u le.. wastin my time, love, makin me so heartbr0ken.... i'm giving u the freed0m to cho0se le.... maybe somewhere out there, there is the right gal f0r u... cos i kn0w i'm not the one... so s0rry... haix.... really tirEd n0w.... but dun feel like sleEpin... ytd was the suCkiest day ever in hist0ry.... havin mo0dswings... ppl who not afraid to hav a crappy timE... comE talk to me.... haix..... so l0nely... wanna talk to ppl.... ARGH....

sui ran bu xiang he ni zai yi qi,
dan shi xin li bu xiang fang qi,
yuan ben yi wei wo men neng yong yuan de,
dan ni de biao qing shuo de gang hao xiang fan,
wo bu d0ng zi ji zai xiang she me...
zi chi da0 xin li hao fan, zhen de hen fan...

blastin' Ewan Mcgregor's - Your Song [soundtrack from the musical - moulin rouge]

My gift is my song
And this one's for you
And you can tell everybody
That this is your song
It maybe quite simple
But now that it's done
Hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind
That I put down in words
How wonderful life is now you're in the world

Sat on the roof
And I kicked off the moss
Well some of the verses well
They got me quite cross
But the sun's been kind
While I wrote this song
It's for people like you that
Keep it turned on

So excuse me for forgetting
But these things I do
You see I've forgotten
If they're green or they're blue
Anyway the thing is what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen

And you can tell everybody
This is your song
It may be quite simple
But now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words

How wonderful life is now you're in the world
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is now you're in the world

ytd i didn't wanna write anything inside here, cos i was to0 tired.. I guess I am the main pr0blem of everythin.. Every single freakin thing, that's why i decided to change.. I rather keep quiet le, cos everytimei say somethin, some1 will get hurt.. Ur always think this way, but do u guys watch ur mouths to0? Yes, hurt n rejection. It deprives ourselves from being vocal.. I dun care, i've already made this decision.. and i dun feel likE changin it.. Sometimes i think, I am tryin to pr0ve something that each of us have a different mindset on. Eg. I didn't wanna say my problems de... ur made me, i never even recall sc0ldin u guys and tt's wat pat t0ld mE, say i was unreasonable, i sc0lded them... mayb i did in a fit of anger, but i never wanted to say anything, so dun keep askin me to tell u guys stuff i dun wish to say, cos then later ppl will tell me that u guys r stressed out, tolerating my nuisance wat so eva... And for pete's sake, do ur really think ppl always give in t0 mE? no. they dun. get this clear in ur head. I work hard to get wat i want, others dun, they count on idiots like me to help them get somethin, then every1 will b happy.. Ppl always say, have u thought of others feelings when u say somethin, then i ask u hav u ppl thought of the things bef0re u tell others?? Dun come n say others first, try to change urself, it's u wh0 present this attitude that u wan to b treated this way.. I dunno i jus really need someone wh0 can understand me rite nw... someone i can talk to, can intrepret wat i'm trying to mean, not the other way r0und... haix.. me n pat can say our relationship ok le... but then i guess he will nv like me as muCh... n i dun blame him, life's like this, accept it.Quite touching la... the things he said to me on Sun nitE, i was like so deeply moved, i cried in front of this stupid computer... I guess we will last bah... not f0rever... but for this period of time where many changes occurs... I won't say we will last till eternity... but i really appreciate that i have him n0w.. He will always b a part of the bitter sweet mem0ries i hav in my gr0win years, cos he was the onE wh0 really br0ught me int0 thinkiN, and caused mE 2 changE f0r the bettEr... Seriously, I am not sure whether I am doing the right thing now or not, I decide to take the path as quiet, simple and n0t as complicated as before.. Maybe then I would really find true happiness? Some stuff are really worth trying, cos u'll nv know the greatest outcome would be when u take a risk.. That's wat i'll b doing, risking my life, pat n i's relationship and L6's friendship.. I am going to be straightforward le.. no point hiding behind.. But my mouth will still be shut =) xcept when i smilE! =D lolxXx.. hmm... i guess my mum recieved the "hate" mail i sent her, she caused so much destruction and unrest in my life this year... Many problems resulted from her... sorRy guys... it's all my fault... my bad... haix... dunno wat to say lE... go0d nitE every1... -l0vealLofya-

blastin' *Fleetwo0d Mac - Songbird

Sonbird's Lyrics
For you, there'll be no more crying,
For you, the sun will be shining,
And I feel that when I'm with you,
It's alright, I know it's right
To you, I'll give the world
to you, I'll never be cold
'Cause I feel that when I'm with you,
It's alright, I know it's right.
And the songbirds are singing,
Like they know the score,
And I love you, I love you, I love you,
Like never before.
And I wish you all the love in the world,
But most of all, I wish it from myself.
And the songbirds keep singing,
Like they know the score,
And I love you, I love you, I love you,
Like never before, like never before.

i am scared.. s0 very scared... i wan 2 cry lE... t0day ah ma n yj br0ke up le... is it g0in to b my tuRn? i've neva been this afraid... my heart is beatin so fast n hard that i fear it may jump out anytime.... y? y r guys like that? i feel like thr0win up everythin i had eaten... my heart is achin... mus we really g0 thr0ugh this? this pain? he isn't livin in fear... he's jus fakin it... omg...omfg... my heart is really breakin.... int0 pieces..... i'm the one wh0 is livin in fear... *s0b* my go0dness... n i said i dun wanna care ab0ut him... omg....h0w? fuck... i wanna diE... i really d0.... pls tell mE the anS... i dun wan 2 b kept waitin... 4mins past le... he still nv reply me... m i supposed to trust him? i l0st his trust in him... i'm s0 fuckin g0in 2 diE... *help* pls...... haix....... i really cann0t take it anym0re... my heart is really breakin... y d0 i l0ve u so muCh? i wish i c0uld take back my feelins... i really m dyin... i dun wan 2 c the c0uples breakin up..... i wan pat n mE 2 last f0reva... cos i like him.. al0t... alot... alot..... i still will... 1st cut is the deepEst... the very 1st time i ever l0ved some1 this muCh... -w0aini-

crappy day! w0w~ i br0ke a rec0rd... first timE sp0rts day i wEnt h0me with0ut a prizE.... *s0bSob* i miss him al0t... but i wan 2 learn h0w to contr0l le... i still remember my new year's resolution - to try n n0t miss him s0 muCh... heart pain... but surface strong, i jus try n0t 2 thinK ab0ut it bah... but then h0r.... I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM *sighs* wish hE c0uld automatiCally find mE.... everytimE i muS searCh 4 hiM dE.... n0w hiS turN lE bah.... t0day sp0rts day ah... i run likE shit sia... c0uld hav donE betteR... but my lEgs is BREAKIN!! yEs, literally breakin... Had gastrics... didn't kn0w it w0uld hurt tt muCh... Plus, he wasn't there, n that hurt the m0st... Well, but we had an " excursion " 2day... We ( Ben, Nick, Lydia, Ah ma, Zhen, Suz, Bryan n mE ) went to Sentosa... Went 2 Siloso Beach n swam in the water.... boy oh boy!! the water was great... the co0lin sensation on our sunburnt skins wEre likE ice packs co0lin the sun!!! bryan is really retarded... he lay on the sand n refused to go in the water... only mE,suz n zhEn went int0 the p0ol... shi0k! lolxXx then i had ballet, argh... my legs r aching like mad!!! I was thinkin about this thing on the way h0me... Do u believe in dreams? On wednesday nite, i dreamt that pat suddenly came up to me n gave me a peck on the lips.... I still remember even though i was slpin, my heart was beatin damn fast... it was as if tt incident really did happen!!! Then on thurs... pat gave me a flyin kiss c0s he was so happy tt he need n0t do the gr0up presentation!! Everythin is g0in crazy... i dunn0 wat 2 d0... jus miss him... n prays 2 dear g0d tt hE doen't fliRt anym0re.... -l0vepat4eva-

i dunno whether 2 b angry or sad... PATRICK YAP YAN DE this is it... end of st0ry, i feel so cheated? Cheated of my feelins 4 these past few m0nths? So mesmerized in him n that's it.... All g0ne, jus like tt?!?! I dunno wther 2 like him or not... Now, he's like copyin everythin of Rayson... Get a life! There's only 1 Rayson not 2!!!!! Then next, wat u wanna be? A flirt? A porn addict? A gay? A siCk idiot jus like him? FINE. It's so fuckin irritatin... N jus like, a few hours ag0, I thought u were sweet n niCe. PAH~ Wat a lie... Man, y r guys like that? I hate them 4 this, so insensitive, uncaring, not understandin.... There the list g0es on... If only ppl can sh0w their emotions... The world would b a better placE... I so fuckin hate him... But i knw i love him... Jus not as much lE? He really made his place in my heart damn shaky, it can jus leave my heart any moment... Is this a test? Well, if it is, u think it's really fun... U wan that 2 b upon u!??! ARGH!!!!!!!! WHY?!?!?!?!?!? I dunn0 wat to say le... I'm angry.. I'm g0in to kill his dog he gave me, make sure all the wo0l n beans drop out... Dismantle all the necklace n bracelets... I'm evil... muahahaahahha~ Stupid freak... U brought this upon urself! Haix... -d3ar- w0 zhEn dE hen xi huan ni... ni bu ya0 zai shang w0 de xin lE ke yi mah? Ni mei ci da ying w0 zhe hui shi zui hou yi ci, dan shi, ni mei ci dou rang w0 shang xin, shi w0 nan gu0... wo bu d0ng ze me ban... dan shi w0 zhi da0 wo hen ai ni... -l0veya4eva-

so sorry... it's no ones fault... it's really mine.... mayb i too sensitive? haix... but i really cannot stand it le... everywhere i go ppl say i'm fat... in school, outside, fren's hse and even at home.... my brain wanna explode le... somemore i hav to pass my english by hook or by crook, i cannot afford to fail.... char today scold me, say y i neva go ballet when i'm not doin anythin in class, i'm scared to tell every1 this... ur think i'm a good dancer, i'm not... i feel so inferior in that class, all those SCGA gals hover above my head, i dun even dare to do the steps confidently, some of them discriminate me n my other fren, i dun feel welcomed, i feel scared to go into the dance room, cos i knw, i can neva be their match.... I've changed le, i hate my new self u knw? Sometimes i wish i could turn back time, where i used to hav lots of fun and studyin was my priority... But i can't seem to... I guess keep quiet is the best thing, i'll jus sit there and not do anythin.... So sorry char, tmr is ur bday and yet got so many misunderstandings... *1000000 apologies* I tried gorgin food which i had eaten durin dinner, i hate the feelin... but this is the only way to prove tt i'm not fat? Why every1 is so slim n i'm built this way, i dun wan to hav muscles.... I jus wanna b all skins n bones... but is it of use? I'm fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat... Everyone says that... It's not that i want to b fat also mah, god made me this way... Stop sayin le... pls i beg u all..... At home my parents, aunties, uncles n cousins keep sayin le, plus my ballet teacher also.... I knw i'm fat, i dun look like a dancer, i dun look like a runner... I'm jus no go0d in anythin alrite? Freak... I'm tryin my best... But it's not enough... Everyday, i find it a chore to smile n go crazy... I'm jus actin, I'm not happy with myself, I'm not happy with everythin... Y r my expectations so high... Why??? Why are my parents expecting so much of me?? WHY??!?! I dun wan to make them unhappy le, I tried my best to make them happy, when I'm not even happy... I really tried le... I try my best to make my frens happy too... I did try.... So sorry, i still make them sad... I knw after this incident, we will not b as close le, c0s it's my freakin problem... Born with weak heart... Wat to do? I h0pe i can repay for wateva i had stupidly done back to my frens... I really feel like slappin myself rite n0w... Cos i dunno wat the hell i'm talkin... haix... ballet or netball......................... - sad -

RAIN rain RAIN rain.... hiYA rainy folks! darn... the weather is jus so cold... i'm so weak! I'm wearin a long sleeved shirt n here i m shiverin... havin cramps to0.... cannot be my period la... it jus passed a few weeks ag0... or can it b? haix... i feel that something is amiss, like i didn't complete it.. I dun wanna lose out on it, fearin that i could lose somethin... Today can consider an improvement in our relationship bah... but the point is.... how come i dun feel aroused by him? weird.... lolx.. oh well, i guess this way is much better =D... He was rather sweet today i guess, talked about some stuff n he shows that he cares f0r me... *happy* hahaha *smilEs* haha he went offline not long ag0.... n here i m like a retarded idiot (i m one) missin him.. hMm... weird huh... I'm really wacko rite nw... i jus feel so weak.... Need his warm embrace, but does it help? haha... i hav no idea... I guess the long feelins for him r rushin back... feelins of love? hEhEheEheHe.... so freaky.... I guess i m goin to keep myself busy for the weekends and the holidays... I dun wanna plant my butt on the computer chair, n sit in front of the computer all day long... i wanna do stuff like take up hip-hop dance classes, yoga n tuition... Mayb then i wouldn't feel lazy... hehEhe... oh well go0d people out there... the lil' gal neEds 2 slp! nitE all! -lovepat4eva-

dear decent dweebs of the century... lolx... i'm so weird.. feelin weird to0 i guess...hmM... did pretty much of nothin at home.... played gb with pat(man, it was ages since we played 1.vs.1, miss the old days..heEz) then i went out f0r dinner @ heartland mall...had an argue with my mum about the way life sucks... ther she began tellin me h0w the ppl in africa(zhen's homeland is in africa, y does she seem so happy?!?! she ain't sufferin! l0lx) suffered... blah blah blah, u get the idea... i was like kinda pissed at my life so borin u knw wat i mean? There's no meanin livin it, so wat f0r stay in this world? Met up with carla today, we went f0r a walk at the pasar malam downstairs... it was CR0WDED... darn... so h0t... lolxXx... then went up t0 her houSe, had a giRl talk..... finally, we had one.... it's been so long... haha, t0ld me about her pr0blems on guys, studyin abroad and h0w life sucks... hEy carla darling~ cherish life, it's the m0st beautiful thing that g0d has give u! l0vE it! l0lxXx, u still hav a l0ng future ahead, dun b likE me... a full time slackEr! be happy with urself aiight? hehE.... darn... i really want tuition rite nw.... I need english(pr0b. morris allen or british council), maths(andrew er or distinction tutorial), sci(distinction tutorial or home tuition) & wat the hell, the m0st fucked up language of the seas0n... CHINESE!!! ugh.... man.... i need tuition n i want them!!!!! haha.... i'm weird... zhen... g0 for tuition la, quite fun de.... lolxXx oh well, i'm so darn tired..... nitE freakS! l0vE ya alL!! -l0vepat4eva-

hiya go0d pe0ple! well, haven't been postin f0r quite some time i guess, well today is zhEn's bday! HAPPY BDAY 2 U!! lolx... ah well, we celebrated her bday the day b4, had quite a fun time i guessed. First, we went to watch the movie [h0ney] it rawks man! Jessica Alba is so damn hot!!! The dance moves r0cks! The only sad thing is that pat is n0t there... *s0bSob* haha oh well nvm, he went there, but he couldn't find us!! darn... lolx... We had a fun time gellin the guys hair, bryan lo0ked like the dude from dragon ball z and alex hair jus look.... weird?? lolx... We to0k ALOT of pictures!! I think i spent a bomb on them... argh... stupid me... lolx, i wonder if the machine is spoilt by my pictures... haha... Dinner was on bryan, he treated us i think kfc(he spent $26 on us =D, thanks bryan!) haha... but we ended up not finishin everythin, thanks to ZHEN! alot... lolx... i g0t home around 9 plus, i was so freakin tired... but i slept at 1am jus to dry my stupid hair... haha, anyway it was fun... nitE ppl!

haha.. today quite happy la... ka0z.. like so nutty like tt... i hav alot of stead leh, today ivan, tmr jonathan, fri si kai, sat bryan! lolxXx haha all stead for fun la, not serious jus play play, i learnt somethin l0... i really like pat al0t bah, mayb tt time i convinced myself to like xXxXx bec0s i wan to n0t love pat? i dun wan t0 get hurt bah... s0 likE tt l0... jus cherish wat i hAv n0w.. aiy0... tt zEmin say he likEs mE... but i dunN0 LEh... he's very nice, but then i hav pat le... he say he will wait f0r me till im singlE again... he can afford to wait tt l0ng? man... pei fu ta... haha.. i h0pe me n pat can last longer... be 2gether 4eva! haha muAck!! l0vE hims lots... hEheEhheEhee...

hiYa ppl~ oh wEll... n0t suCh a grEat dAy 4 mE... firStly i fAiled my englisH, d0 u knW h0w imp0rtant thAt is 2 mE!! i cAn't livE with0ut iT...*sighS* wAt 2 d0? i h4tE sankAr!! shE suckS big tiMe, juS c0s shE c mE n0t hAppy, givE me s0 low marKs... i g0nNa kilL hEr!!! Pat, i hate u, i hate u, i hate u, i hate u... Y guys n0t undErstandin dE? s0metimEs i realLy wiSh pat c0uld bE a littlE m0rE dev0tEd in 0ur rElati0nship... i dun fEel s4fE with hiM, sEems likE hE c0uld brEak up witH mE any miN... i wiSh wE weRe likE lasT tiMe, it reAlly sh0ws back thEn thaT he reAlly caRes l0.... n0w iS likE.. " rAys0n is my deaR" *s0bS0b* haiz... likE n0 poinT being 2gEthEr iF thErE iS n0 mutUal l0vE.. i l0vE him, hE likEs me... s0 weirD, i duN wan lEh.... i ratHer hE duN likE mE at alL & i als0 h4vE n0 fEelins f0r him... i duNn0 whEthEr i stiLl likE hiM lEh... i scaRed i likE xXxXx, haixXx... s0 i tEst hiM l0... i saY relati0nshiP muS haV mutUal l0vE, he repliEd... it d0esn't matTer... i heAr lE thiNk... whicH mEans hE dun l0vE mE n0r.... i duN likE it lEh... i waN him 2 l0vE mE... & sh0w tT hE carEs l0... hE thinKs hE can 4gEt alL hi5 tr0ubles by jus sleEpin... so srY u r wr0ng lo... u sh0uld sorT out uR pr0blEms... tHen u wilL nEva evA regrEt thEm n0 matt3r wat... but h3 ch0se 2 stiCk 2 hiS hapPy-g0-luckY liFe... i duNn0 la... hiS decis!on... n0t minE.... siianss 2day c0mmon test... ka0z... s0 difficult, i surE faiL dE.... haix lifE suxXx.... y n0 onE undErstand mE.... i juS dun gEt it... can't finD my rEal s0ulmatE......