i don't know how to put this

You know how it feels like to be balancing on the edge of the road shoulder, you have to look ahead and be very straight and still. Walking with confidence on this long narrow road ahead. I feel like that now, minus the confidence and I am stumbling all over. I hopeits cos' I am tired, PMSy and all the shit. I don't get it, why do I have to constantly put down myself every time when the period's nearing? It is a vicious cycle that I am sick of.

I wished I had more friends, good friends, best friends, whatever. I know I am not very sociable, neither am I initiative, plus I have this major traffic jam face. It just refuses to soften. I ain't pretty, neither am I slim, I am straightforward (tone down al lot already loh!) and not many people like that. I wish my social circle will broaden and for me to open up more. I don't know why I always clam up whenever I see people, I get nervous and eh yeah... So if you wanna make friends with me, I am pretty open! Haha, like self advertising.

This week was a really lonely one, thanks to Ah Lee Lee and Beibei for spicing up my weekends. I really gotta thank Ah Lee for inviting me to the OTT gathering with the other girls, it was the first time this week I had so much fun! Thanks you all~ Beibei, thanks for hanging out with me today! Sigh sigh, now money issues are a big problem!

OH YEAH! Speaking of which, ReVogue, the payment is here, so can someone text me their account number so I can transfer one of you the money? We transfer one by one can? If not will be very taxing on me. Okay, you all don't read this blog anyway. Hahaha!

2 more days! Hope my baby can pacify me for the whole of the next few weeks. My love supply, happiness supply, comfort supply and money supply. LOL! Kidding. I just want him to accompany me. One week was long! :)

Okay, I love the 6 readers who read my blog today. LOL.

Bunny hop out~

6 days more to You and I

These days past so slowly, like how the long nights of winter are coming to stay, like the wait of the maiden, for her soldier to return.

Week 3 of the intership and I am already looking forward to more holidays and the week of Week 16. Goodness, I don't even know if I am able to survive the working world right now. I mean, I am able to do my tasks and such, but I wished hours can be more flexible and the environment more fun. Seeing how a company works makes me wanna be a student forever! Geez, I shall stop complaining and get on with the next 72 days.

Yesterday was Karaoke madness at Beibei's! Okay at least I was mad and enjoying myself, my lungs were getting a breather which I felt rather refreshed for the start of the week! Okay, back to Beibie... It was her 21st big bash, I realised I forgot to hug her :( Major booboo! The food was awesome, the cake was dope and the company was great! I hoped she had a great time despite being so busy and uncoordinated! Lol. 21st birthdays are so expensive. I'm gonna work hard and save all my money so that I will be able to pay for it!

Anyway, Daddy bought me my new phone! I owe my parents alot of money now. $480 to my Mum, $178 to my Dad, so much so that I am going to get a 3rd job! Meiqi (thank God for her!) asked me if I wanna tuition a Primary One kid English, and I was like "Okay!". It's near my place and the time slots are flexible! Yeah! If I have that job, I will be holding on to three jobs now! Whoa! I need to be a superwoman soon!



Aside from all those worldly issues, I find myself questioning the relationships that I have. No matter where I go, I will never fit in. Always the "extra" in any group of friendships that I have. Even though I tried my best to put in effort in all of them, but somehow, people will not remember me. It is always them and some other people, them and someone else. I am not saying this out of hurt/feelings or what. I just took a sit back and observed everything that's going around me. I really feel that the only people who will be at my funeral is my family... and perhaps Kaiwen. I don't know how to say this, I just felt that it does not matter who I bother about anymore. Cos' no matter what, that person will find someone else in the end. Guess my true friends are the ones that will bother to understand all this shit? Haha. I don't even get it in the end. Oh well, this is Life.

hahahehehoho

Hey all, it's Week 2 of SIP and I can't wait for it to end already!

So much for being committed and such. I mean I love my job, the environment, the people and the freedom to do things. However, I dread waking up early and stoning after lunch. I don't know... Won't you guys feel sleepy after lunch? I will feel like taking a nap, but I feel so unproductive after that time, my heavy eyelids seemed to have a mind of it's own. I can't help but say, I am so jealous of Joey and Andy! One gets to go on a company trip to Taiwan, the other will get the incentive of return Hongkong flights! Ugh! Me wants to go on a holiday too!!!!!!!!!! Take me away please! With people I love and care about that is! :)

Hurhurhur. Tomorrow will be a looooong day. Teach the kids in the early afternoon, head to Advance Class hiphop @ TP thereafter, Cellgroup/Church... BEFORE I CAN MEET MY BABY! Heh. I miss him so much. Even though we see each other at times for dinner etc, we are, or at least I am too tired to talk and happy enough to just see him and hold his hand! Can we makeout soon?!?!? LOLOLOLOLOL.

Okay, I gotta save money. I reckon expenses this month will be pretty high as I'll be getting a new phone. Really want a Blackberry Bold, but if it's too expensive I guess the Nokia E71 should be fine. :) Daddy surprised me by saying he'll go check out from his friends how much it'll cost. I wonder... If I really can afford it. Ugh. Save money now!! I still have $480 outstanding credits to my Mum. I wanna save for Graduation Trip too. I guess it's tough as I really want to support myself in terms of basic expenses. Hmmm.

Okay, time out! Watching Sun Live @ Facebook now!!!!!!!!!!! Wee~

in despair

I am not angry.
I am hurt, upset and insecure.
I couldn't do anything about it just now as I still had to be professional and teach.

Insecurity sets in, I ain't thinking too much, it's just that certain things that was said and done made it this way.

I just hope tomorrow will be a better day for you and me. :)

This song expresses how I feel.
Ahn Trio - All I Want

Too many times, I have wondered
What all the tryin' is for.
You come around, I feel so down
I'm gonna drown
'Cause I know that you've fallen short

But do you know?
Doesn't change
The way I feel 'bout you, at the end of the day
'cause I know, that I all I want is what you got.
All I want, is what you got.

Too many times, I have wanted
To turn around and walk away
Knowing deep inside, I can't provide
What I need from you, anyway

Do you know?
Doesn't change
The way I feel 'bout you, at the end of the day
'Cause I know
That all I want is what you got
All I want is what you got

Tell you that I wanna go
But I wanna stay
Tell you that I wanna go
But I wanna stay
Tell you that I wanna go
But I wanna stay
I wanna stay
I wanna stay
I wanna stay

But I know I'm gonna lose myself this way

I wanna stay
I wanna stay
I wanna stay

But I know I'm gonna lose myself this way

Do you know?
Doesn't change
The way I feel 'bout you, at the end of the day
'Cause I know
Aall I want is, what you got
All I want is what you got

But this
Romantic
is all
I got

the 'think too much' relationship blues

I don't know if it's cos I'm tired or what. I find myself thinking about my relationship more often than not. So I decided to try out one of Facebook's more frequently used applications "What does God wants you to know..?", and I got the answer.

On this day of your life, Samantha, we believe God wants you to know...
... that every relationship rests on three legs: accepting, supporting and challenging.

That's really it, isn't it? You want your relationships to be grounded on accepting each other as you are. On supporting each other through the inevitable ups and downs. On challenging each other to become more, to grow, to flourish. Which one of these is the more difficult one for you, and how are you going to practice it in the next 24 hours?




Hahaha!
Time to move on for the day, not think so much, trust him and support him! :)

I love God and I love Kaiwen!

BLOODY HELL

I'm so bloody pissed with myself.

There was SIP lauch today on 7th September, the event starts at 9.15am and we had to be seated by 9.30am. Okay, I noted that down and I planned to sleep early anyway, I went to bed at about 9pm on Sunday and recall setting the alarm at 7am.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFED UP ME.

I overslept.

I jolted awake at 9.35am and I started panicking/crying/hurling abuses/throwing all my stuff on the floor. I wanted to stab myself in my head and fling that lifeless body into an ocean of piranhas. HOW CAN SOMEONE SLEEP FOR MORE THAN 12 HOURS?!?!!?

Luckily, I met Paul Ng and had the courage to go into the LT. I was so angry with myself to the extend that I was unable to forgive myself for sleeping so long. Pissed off. Anyway, it has already passed, I don't know if I'll get an academic penalty or whatsoever, I'm just even more angry when I hear that. I don't understand.

SHITTYASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.



I just wanna thank my baby for being there for my tecnologically via mobile. Lol. I was in a mess and he told me not to worry. Even though he isn't the most romantic/sweetest/thoughtful/sensitive boyfriend, he tries to be there whenever possible. For this I thank him with all my heart.

GLEE

Yay! Thanks to Ayozi's help I managed to get my blogger alive and kicking again!

WOOTS!

However, I still can't seem to be able to post photos on the site. So bear with it for a lil longer while I try and play around with html codes and cache issues.

For now, enjoy this stupid plain blog!

pissed

Before I start getting fucking pissed.
I just wanna say, you can say whatever you like.
Please KNOW the details and the entire situation before you make a judegement on something/someone.

I feel pissed cos I have to reschedule an event on Friday for the third time in a row because of...
Yeah, of cos no one knows about it cos as usual I didn't say.
I just don't feel the need to, I don't have to tell every single person I meet what I am about to do.
However, this will lead to a lot of misunderstandings and what not and I am fucking pissed because of that.
It's like I have to sacrifice for something and yet...
What about the others? Why do we always have to do it your way?

I'm just mad that sch things can happen, when it can be avoided.
I am also mad at myself for saying selfish things in the heat of the moment.
ANGER MANAGEMENT!

By the way, can someone tell me what's wrong with blogger?
It's fucked up too!

Okay recital results are out I don't know whether to be glad or sad?
Seriously.
I just feel that some people are just lucky and I am gonna hibernate and not FUCKING SHARE ANYTHING ANYMORE SINCE NO ONE BOTHERS TO HELP AND MY RELATIONSHIP IS GOING FINE THANK YOU.