WHY WHY WHY WHY?

When I started this post I wanted to vent all my anger in here.

Now, all I can think about, or should I put it in another way, are all the worries that build up inside my puny head.

It is not that I do not have faith in myself or my life. It is a next phase now, how will I get about doing it?
Seriously, I don't know how am I gonna keep up with it.

This is the reason why I cannot let life lead me and just be merry and smile. This is the reason why I have some reasons, likes/dislikes of doing things. This is also the reason why, nobody can understand me and some people actually dislike me for it as they think I am stubborn. The thing is, they don't understand what I am going through and I do not blame them for it. This is life. I cannot please everyone, everyday I try my best just to please myself and the people I love. Yes, that is my priority, therefore my mind has no other space for other people/friends who are acquaintances. Sorry, but it is true. If I cannot make it up to myself and my close ones, least to say for the other people.

Everything seems so difficult now, I wanna dance. I can dance, but the body fails my thereafter. Multiple health problems start to rise and it is difficult to even just stand without my mind spinning/blanking out now. Financially, I am trying to get more jobs, it is tiring and shit. I am trying! I really need the money, to support myself so that I will not be a financial burden to my parents. Does anyone understand? I am also constantly under pressure in this family, I have to do well in school, mediate the relationship between my parents and lighten the financial load. I am trying my best, can anyone see it? No. Okay, I sound like I am complaining here, but I just need to release it somewhere that I will not get into trouble. Kaiwen seems so far away now. Everyday we have little or no communication at all. I totally understand that since he is joining Suntec, he will not have additional time to accompany me. In fact, I want to be supporting him all the way and I really hope they make it to the finals and bring glory to TPDE once more! GO GO GO! However, I cannot help but feel lonely. We talk for at most 15 minutes on rare occasions, text once a day at most? He is always busy and I am supposed to be studying, not thinking of him.

OK STOP!

I shall quiit drowning in my misery and start doing something.

I will get another job, yes my third job to support myself.
I will do well for tomorrow's paper.
I will not have thoughts that Kaiwen is cheating on me. (Okay, I had before.)
I will be faithful to him no matter how long we have not talked.
I will Dance my heart out.
I will always remember the people who appreciate me and love me, yes all my dear friends!!!


Goodnight Folks~