crying again.
loud and pained.
like your heart being ripped in shreds.

was reading James Patterson's Suzanne's Diary For Nicholas
and i literally bawled my eyes out.
the same for Sam's Diary To Jennifer, by the same author.
it's heart-wrenching yet heart-warming at the same time.
somehow the people in his books tend to get over death at the end of the story.
i mean, that's great for them,
but in reality, will i ever be able to do that in matter of time?
two years, five years,
however long it takes,
will i be able to move on?

i am scared of death.
especially if it occurred to someone close to me.
i don't know how i will be able to move on
i really don't.
so i pray,
all the time,
that they come back safe and sound.
selfish?
probably.

A Poem Extracted From Suzanne's Diary To Nicholas

Who makes the treetope wave their hands?
And draws homeships from foreign lands,
And spins plain straw back into gold
And has a love too large to hold...

Who chases the rain from the sky?
And sings the moon a lullaby,
And grants the wishes from a well
And hears who songs sung from a shell...

Who has the gift of making much?
From everthing they hold or touch,
Who turns pure joy back into life?
For this I thank my son, my wife.