sometimes i sit and think to myself
i am so sick of smiling every single day
so sick of pretending
feeling nauseous because of the pretence
why can't i just frown or whine?
why can't i pout my lips and get what i want?
why can't i just revert back to the gloomy me,
where i feel that i am me?
i cannot because i will feel that this whole world is against me
i cannot because i do not have the ability to convince
i cannot because i am too tired of trying
but how contended will i be if i gave them all up?

sometimes i feel really left out
probably its because i do not really share what's inside my heart
i really wished that when technology blooms
there will be this device
whereby we can read each other's thoughts
wouldn't it be much easier for all of us?
there will not be any hassel of worrying about the other party's feelings
and probably i wouldn't feel so selfish as to demand something
but what i really want are things really simple

i longed for my mother to cuddle me
i have always wished my father could gently ask me "What's wrong?"
i desire for my friends attention

aren't i selfish to think that way?
i can't help it.
i am just a human being afterall.
is it too greedy to ask for love?
i never felt i was loved before
ever since my parents labelled me as "Independent".
i still use it now,
as an excuse to convince myself that it is alright to be alone.
everytime i put that smile back on my face
i would tell myself: Today will be a better day
i don't want to stop smiling
because if i do,
i will never know when i'll start smiling again.