Happy 6th Months!

This is specially dedicated to my darling :)

Hello baby, time really flies doesn't it? It's been 6 months since we first got together. This 6 months was a long and ardous process, brimming with good memories and bad. We got to know each other inside out in such a duration and everyday I feel that I am learning somthing new about you. Perhaps you did not realise, but I found myself looking at you everyday. Seeing the way you touch your Botak head, how you long and skinny fingers hold a bottle and the way you mouth contorts when you feed me. It is an art to me, how you move, is deeply imprinted in my head,making me miss you when you are not around.

You were there for me when I am at my lowest and when I am happy. Everytime I spend each moment with you is a happy one. We don't have to talk, your presence is enough to fill me. So much so that, everytime shit happens, I think of you and happiness surge through my veins once more.

I love the way you laugh, curved lines guide your smile upwards and your eyes show me that you are genuine in your actions. I love the way you walk, a slow slouch, breaking into an occasional run. I love the way you hold something, the way your finger grabs an object is so magical. I love the way your butt is so bouncy, it makes me laugh when I see strong vibrations on your basketball pants. I love the way you smell, its so distinctive and it gives me a longing to see you. Lastly, I love the way you love me. :)

Baby, thank you for this 6 months, it has been an awesome journey with you. It is like a discovery route, letting me know more about myself and more about you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, through thick and thin, through joy and despair. You are the one that fills me and appreciates me for who I am. It doesn't matter anymore, what we do or not do. I just want to enjoy every moment spent with you.

I'll always remember this conversation on the way home from Bedok 85, our first dinner together:

Kaiwen: Promise me you'll never leave me.

Me: I promise I'll never leave you.

Thanks for loving me.

I love you. :)

I AM TALKING TO MYSELF IN THIS POST.

things have changed.

i am going to be stronger for myself, i can't just depend on someone for the rest of my life. i may not be a perfect person, but i know i'll do my best at everything i have at hand. I am hurting, but who am I to blame but myself? For being insensitive and spouting those hurtful words. Just like how I get over many faults in the past, I have to forgive myself and start over. It will probably take time, loads of time in fact, but I just have to do it. I need to love myself, before I can love you.


there's many things i hoped it would happen, but it never did. you know how as a kid you wished for many things like santa to come, but he never did.


wishlist:
-watch x-men: wolverine
-someone to serenade me
-endless love
-dance career
-happiness
-assurance
-care and love
-friends :)
-discipline

baby, i'm really tired of trying all the time. it doesn't mean i have given up. i just need...

keep moving on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

goodbye

i just really want you to come after me.
and tell me that you need me.
but you just gave it all up.
i lost hope too.
i hate relationships with broken fragments inside.
it just shows how vulnerable it can be.
and you chose to have it that way.
so now, it's over for us.

this shows that this 5 months i am nothing to you.
just another girl.
okay i am saying this based on how i feel.
right/wrong? i don't know.
but the actions you make, make me feel this way.

i can't sleep.
the insomnia kicks in again.
i really loved you, but you choose to do it this way.
i can't do it anymore.
you can do your way, whatever you want.
i rather escape, take the easy way out and not look back.

all i wanted, like every girl, is for the guy to come running after you.
give you a big hug, say you are sorry and tell me that you love me.
but you just walked away.
GO HOME. FUCK IT.
i don't like to keep things hanging, i just want every to resolve so that the next day you wake up you won't have to worry about things.

so what now?
i hae no idea.
maybe i am really single afterall.

you know, if you came after me.
i will jolly well listen you.

Life and Slumer Parties

In Life, you can never have what you want. If you do, that isn't life anymore, that is being selfish. Cos' you know what you did to attain them, at the cost of others, just to achieve your goals. Somehow, if you do not expect anything from something, you'll be shock in the way it surprises you. So why don't you take a chance? With it, and through this, God brings about many miracles that we often overlook.

Random thought. Hehe.

Over the weekend, I had the most awesome SLLLLLLHUMBLE PARTY at Beibei's crib! I really enjoyed my time with the girls even though I was seriously lacking of sleep. As it was held at Bei's place, naturally she was there, together with Iris and I! Love the time spent girls! Let's have more of these sessions soon! :)

So what did we do that night?

Girl talk, read Gary Ng's blog (he is super disgusting, careful his blog has explicit content! just wanna show you guys how gross he is!), EAT, sleep, Iris bullying us!

HAHAHA!

Sounda boring eh? Oh whatever, let the photos do the justice!

started with innocent us reading the dirty blog

still reading!!!

IRIS PROCEEDED TO BULLY BEIFANG! HILARIOUS~

HAHAHHAHAA!!!!!!

very squashed!

Bei: AHHH! MY SOFA! STUPID IRIS!!!!!!!

Iris: YAY! VICTORY!


Bei: IRIS! You better watch out...

Bei: Walau! Lie on my sofa still bully me!!! HAHHAHA!

So we decided to head to Hougang Mall's Mcdonalds at 5am and we met some surprising guests!

night cycling dudes minus my boyfriend.. he was injured and his bike broke, poor baby!

andy and junwei :)

After they left, a situation arose! So all of them headed to Beifang's place to find a spanner.

wrong spanner! die!

meanwhile as the some of the boys were fixing the bike, the boys from Block 70 were stoning~

and timothy decided his life ambition was to be a corpse! HAHA~

Remember the black squid ink pizza I was telling you guys about? Check it out man! LOL.

I'll end my entry here. I LOVE YOU BABY! :)

i know it's another emo blog entry at this hour again.

I don't know what's wrong with me seriously. Am i disillusioned by the fact that I have just read 2 heart-wrenching novels and therefore decide to plunge myself into the depths of Sadness Valley, or I am just thinking too much? It's amazing how my brain works, one day I think I am Supergirl and the next day I feel like a pebble on the road, being run over by countless vehicles.

I don't know why am I so emotionally attached to you. It's natural for me to feel this way, but is it becoming too dangerous? Perhaps, overly dependent for comfort, companionship and love? I don't know why. It can be a good or bad thing I guess, good in way whereby you know that my love for you is true, bad cos' I ain't giving you enough space.

Fuck SAM!

I just don't feel that you need me the way I need you. And that my actions are causing a huge strain on my emotions and our relationship, to the point whereby I thought of giving it all up. Looking on the bright side, it isn't your fault but mine. Shit seriously. How am I gonna survive when you go to NS? I've been advising you to down pes so that you can come out and see me...
Is it for myself, or is it for you?

Is this love getting to poisonous? I must learn to leave without you, learn to walk to without you and go about doing things without you.

I can.
I can.
I can.

All I want right now is to snuggle in your arms and you to tell me that you love me. Things that you say rarely. It's impossible.

Even though we're in sunny Singapore, we are still miles away.

Okay shit, on a second thought. I think I'm getting afraid of relationships/marriages/whatever that is. I just don't wanna live with the fact that someday you'll leave me.

Can you reassure me? I'm in a big state of a mess.

I love you.

COME WALKABOUT IN AUSTRALIA!

Samansarii has decided to try something new! How about blogging for a contest? Seriously, I am going to try doing it, cos' I have never won anything good in my entire life. I think the last lucky draw prize I remembered receiving was a bag of rice. Can you believe it!?! I think my Mum was secretly thanking me in her heart, but I was like, WHAT? I can't even use it! After eating, I'll probably poop it out and the cycle continues.

Anyhoo, I wanna ask how many of you have been to the country down under? I presume most of us have been there, but seriously, I have never been to Australia, least the fact that I ever stepped out of Asia. The farthest I have ever stepped foot was in my current favourite country, Nihon-Japan! Konnichiwa Nihon-san, kyo wa tanoshikatta desu!

So if I was given a chance to visit Australia for free, which state should I choose? Romantic Perth? Breath-taking Canberra? Thrilling Sydney? Peaceful Darwin? It's so tough to choose seriously, I would love to visit all the wonders that Australia provides. For example, the Great Barrier Reef, it's a natural wonder that was made and I would love to marvel at what the ocean can provide! Small world, but many wonders! Visiting Perth would be another option, I can enjoy good times with my love and we can indulge in the services that differentiate Australia and Singapore! Who cannot die for Sydney??! Tell me!!! It's like the centre of entertainment and excitment, with Gold Coast providing the much needed Beach experience and the thrilling and mind-blowing experience up Sydney Harbour Bridge.

OHMYGOODNESS! Take me on a hoilday to Australia already!!!

However, if I really do have a choice to spend a holiday in Australia. I would like doing it the Steve Irwin way! Only a little less dangerous! Haha! Swimming with sealions in South Australia, visiting zoos, getting in touch with wildlife. Why so? Steve Irwin was definitely the icon for Australia (sorry Nicole Kidman, but Steve was more popular with me during my childhood days!). Dad, loves watching Animal documentary/shows on television when I was little, guess that was how I was exposed to the Crocodile Hunter from Down Under! Hahaha! Maybe if I get chosen,I'll bring him there? Or mum perhaps, she has been living such a boring life, looking after us brats and doing everything for us. She deserves a much needed break!

Well, the chances of getting chosen with such an entry is equilavent to zero. Haha, it's okay,looking at the pictures made me feel like I'm am in Australia already though!

AND AND AND!

I cannot believe Joyce and Kevin are flying to Hong Kong tomorrow at 8.30am! They made that deision about 2 hours ago and now they are packing their suitcases, having the holiday of their lives before school starts! Oh man, another country that I have yet to and want to visit. Ugh! Lucky you! Nevermind, I shall pray that my Dad gets promoted and Mum gets a good part-time job so that we can go on holiday as a family. It has been years since we have done that. Okay, the more I talk about it, the more upset I'll become. LOL.

So much for staying positive!!!

Have fun Joyce and Kevin! REMEMBER TO BUY PRESENTS FOR ME!! I shall stay in Singapore and sulk, or maybe go to Batam for seafood. AHHHHHHH~ I wanna go on holiday!!! :(

Alright, have to meet the boyfriend soon to edit my solo video for Jacky. Dancehall for life! HAHAHA. RINO NAKASONE TOO! OH OH MARIEL MARTIN TOO! Okay, for the boyfriend, LYLE BENIGA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay to that. Peace out~

GEMS 4: Fairy Our Tale

HELLO HELLO HELLO!

It's been awhile *Britney's Break the Ice plays in the background* since I've been in the cyber world blogging about my non-existent life. This is random but Dad just bought back a pizza from Pizza Done and it's the blackest pizza I have ever seen in my life. It's black squid ink pizza, real yummy though!

Sorry guys for missing out on Singapore's Best Dance Crew, I woke up late!! It starts at 6pm and I woke up at that time, I wouldn't mind if it's like in Compass Point, but hell no, it's all the way in the West; Jurong Point. I doubt I can make it so I'm staying home. Guess what the boyfriend said?

kaiwen - choreography! all-about-me-kw.blogspot.com says:
good girl
kaiwen - choreography! all-about-me-kw.blogspot.com says:
stay at home
samansarii i'm on a drug that makes me sleep. says:
hahaha

Anyway, the main thing i'm going to write about todays is GEMS 4: Fairy Our Tale concert. It was amazing the entire journey, we worked hard, played hard and laughed out guts out. Of course, not forgetting the endless scoldings, discrepancies and shocking news that popped out from time to time. I really enjoyed sweating it out and working hard with all of the dancers. The best part of the concert? Was the people coming up to you and saying how awesome the concert is. It just made me feel that, the hardwork we've put into, no matter how much more that can be done, we know we have done our best. :)

I felt that I did better on the first day, I guess I was more confident in the presence of no one that I know of! Hahaha. When Arjuna from Foreign Bodies came up to me and said "You're good.". I was still doubting myself, did I really do that well? Then Andrea came up to me and said "Sam, I always loved to see you dance.". That sentence made me fly to the moon. Okay, not literally, I know I can do more, cos' I just know. The feeling wasn't fully splurged out yet. I'm still on a ladder making my way up. There's definitely more to come, God will provide. He always does.

The second day passed in a whirlwind, I wasn't feeling my best. Was quite sick, stomach was churning and egestion came every 15 minutes. horrible feeling, but i managed to dance through the concert till the very end! Thanks to Xuehui, Fredy, Anan, Rachel, David, Ben Zhong, Charlene & Amanda (the brownie was awesome!!!), Nick Teo and many more that I missed out for their support. Really unexpected. Thanks much!

Oh yeah not forgeting Gen for her roses and Jingling for the sunflower, it's really beautiful :)

Okay, enough of my long-winded speeches, photos for all to see! Take note of my faux eyelashes, they are incredibly long and... SO NOT ME.

Thanks babes, for choosing it for me though. Haha!

Credits to Nicholas and my trusty-shitty camera!

caught camwhoring!

nicole d!

meow meow~

he has more blusher than me. hahahaha!

this is for you meiqi!

oldman ryan :)

bboy actcute!

the one who has male & female hair!

sexy pout

i think meiqi's expression is indescribable!

kevinn too!

gin glaming someone up. i think it's mev.

my favourite chipmunk!

kevon doing lingna's hair! so sweet~

my mentor.

sexy faces + my double chin!

this is for you iris!

mad ass!

Revogue!

the girls <3>

i love you baby!

i love my boyfriend!! looks like a wedding pic!

i find this hilarious! hahahaha

aunties in action and one innate uncle.

the classic honeymoon pic.

Night cycling with TPDE the other day, fun I have to say. However, my ass is sore right now. It hurts!! Need to massage. Lol. Peace out people!

P.S I love my boyfriend! :)

P.S.S Thanks Ah Lee for the American Eagle (is it?) I love it alot!

P.S.S.S ANYONE WANNA JOIN K.O NIGHT WITH ME???

aftermath unfinished

hey i am so lazy to blog, i'm so proud of TPDE we did it in a month for GEMS 4: Fairy Our Tale. So happy for everyone, so some unexpected people tearing last night. It gave me this feeling, that I wanna dance forever. All the compliments I received; from Andrea, FB dancers that I do not know, Aaron, Jasmine, Xuehui etc. Just make me wanna accomplishmy dream. Thanks everyone for supporting this production and for making it possible. I'm gonna miss Nicole, Jean, Foong, Royston etc. Hopefully you guys will come back and dance, aka like Meiqi, the expired for 2 years but stil dancing in TPDE senior. Hehe.

Okay, I gotta deal with this pain. Suffering like shit, because of this pain. Argh. Really need help.