clarification

Just to clarify things that people might assume.

We did not fight/argue/get pissed at each other.
There are just too many misunderstandings now that caused this relationship to turn sour.
The issue was not about us at all, it was just a problem that I have.
However, neither party spoke clearly to clarify the misjudgement causing us to blame each other.

I don't understand why we always go through this.
The reason being that we think we will stay by each other's side forever, has blinded the fact that none of us made the effort to change ourselves for each other.
He had to change his bad habits, being late, laziness, showing more concern and taking initiative.
I have to change my ways too, less possessive, less sensitive and change my personality.

I know some people, me included, will think why do we have to change for each other?
I really did accept him for who he is wholeheartedly, just that all these nitpicking resulted in the inability to do so.

Somehow when I see change, I feel that I cannot be myself anymore.
I have to be aware of what I say, what I do.
Not just to him, but my friends, because, everyone else will be judging.

I don't know if you will be angry when I post this.
I just want to clarify things with people, do not misunderstand that we got a fight etc.
It was a misunderstanding between both of us and we just had to trash things out.

I didn't know how long this relationship will last.
I once thought it was very stable and I was certain that he is the one.
Now, we're hanging on a thin line.
None of us are trying anymore, perhaps we are both tired and both of us want to pursue our personal goals.

God has played a very cruel joke on me and I am only blaming myself for that, because I did not know how to handle it.
So to everyone who hates me, you guys should be rejoicing right now.
I brought my own downfall.

I don't expect Kaiwen to love me anymore, neither do I expect him to tell me so.
I never once expected anything from this relationship.
Him yes, but not this relationship.
I just purely wanted his love and to give him my love.

I just have to pick up the pieces and move on.
Sometimes, I really do wish that he could hold my hand and tell me not to be silly, he'll always be here to love me.
But, the sometimes are just my own wishful thinking.

Funny how I am typing this, tearing silently and my mother is snoring beside me. O.O
Hahaha!

Somehow, deep inside of me,
I wish all these never happened.
Yes, it makes the relationship stronger, only when both parties are willing to work it out.
I just hope that this time around, we will really be there for each other.
Making this work the second time around.

All I can do now is to pray for good times ahead.
I will disappearing for awhile now to recollect my thoughts.

I just hope you will be there, my love.