Actually i feel quite sick of myself.

Can a kind hearted soul send me danceable songs?
I need to prepare for this Saturday's K.O night freestyle segment!











Smile.
That's what I usually do when I see you.

i wonder how many times do i have to kill myself to wake me up from everything?
when will my resurrection take place?
how can i make it happen?








you know i still have the hots for you?
i wished i could bring about your happiness,
but i can't even seem to obtain mine.
i hope you would just stop tearing yourself apart from the inside.
i could feel your sadness for that decision,
but you just refused to show it.
just have faith in yourself that you can make it,
remember that there are many others rooting for you.
don't give up nor should you run away,
just face it bravely like how you used too.
when your time is right,
i'm sure you'll shine :)

Just give it our all,
for today is the day.
Where they will judge us,
and we will impress many.
Let's kill it.
GO ALL K.O NIGHT CONTESTANTS!



okay shitting time!
ciao~

It'll be nice if I can have some care.
Like honey lemon/barley drink,
something that kills this darn throat of mine.
Or perhaps a shoulder to lie on,
a tigh to sleep on.
So that I can transfer body heat.
LOL.
Ugh,its really killing me.
If I get dengue,
can you at least let me survive till after TBG?
Thanks.

I finally picked a song for TBG audition.
It suits my feelings to you,
so perfectly.
Haha, hidden blessing.
I didn't know I had the song until I checked my phone out.
That must be God's miracle.
It kinda sucks to have such deep feelings,
but at least I look forward to seeing you again.
That's awesome.
You know.
Okay I don't know what I'm talking about.
Intoxicated by the fever and love.
Ooh love fever.
Okay shut up SAM.

Oh yeah, ever heard of the saying if you sneeze how many times you will die?
I think I would be in heaven already.


[Intro]
I won't even think twice
There's no reason to be shy
Oh I
I can't lie

[Verse 1:]
Don't mean to bother but I wish that you would give it to me right (Right)
I'm not the type to holla but somehow you know just what I like (What I Like)

[Chorus:]
Oh yeah bae
Oh yeah bae
You don't know how hard I try
(I, I try)
Oh yeah bae
Oh yeah bae
Just come on and love me right
(Love Me Right)

[Verse 2:]
Sometimes it's long before I'm home spending late nights on the phone (Phone)
No castle waiting in the sky
We make believe that we're alone (you and I)

[Chorus:]
Oh yeah bae
Oh yeah bae
You don't know how hard I try
(I, I try)
Oh yeah bae
Oh yeah bae
Baby you can love me right
(Love Me Right)

[Verse 3:]
I get caught up when I'm stressed out I need a place to unwind
Some pushing, pulling anyway you had me dreaming all the time

[Bridge:]
Oh I
I've never found someone who'd fulfill my every need
It's someone gorgeous
It would be you, you

[Chorus:]
Oh yeah bae
Oh yeah bae
You don't know how hard I try
(I, I try)
Oh yeah bae
Oh yeah bae
Baby you can love me right
(Love Me Right)

[Chorus:]
Oh yeah bae
Oh yeah bae
You don't know how hard I try
(I, I try)
Oh yeah bae
Oh yeah bae
Baby you can love me right
(Love Me Right)

Seeing you happy,
weirdly makes me happy too.
I really hope things will go well for you.
Reaching the goals you want to achieve efficiently.
I'm glad that you have faith in yourself,
faith in the things that you are confident in.
Seeing you like this really pushes me further.
It's like a driving force,
constantly reminding myself that,
I can't give up.
Never ever should I even think of it.

I know its silly of me,
but you're so adorable sometimes,
adorable enough to cuddle.
I wish you well for this week's challenge,
I know you can overcome it. :)

It's around 4.38am.
You might ask why am I sitting here,
in front of my computer,
at such an hour.
I'm starting to irritate myself.
Fell asleep again on the couch,
woke up at 3.45am to take a shower,
and now,
I'm going to bed again.

I'm worrying for loads of things.
Dance is the priority of it all.
I feel like this situation I'm in,
is like a race against time and myself.
Pushing me to my limits to handle these problems and overcoming them.
It's not like I'm hating it,
I guess things are going way too slow,
that's why I'm still stuck like this.

I like talking to you,
one on one,
in a group, whatever.
Our conversation always stimulates me into thinking.
Maybe that's why I find you so intriguing, mysterious yet open.
Feelings for you are just there.
Weirdly, after all that has happened,
all my extra thoughts,
its still there.
Stronger?
Perhaps.
I wonder alot of things about you.
I think I should just sleep now,
before I reveal my thoughts to whoever that reads my blog.

Sometimes you irritate the hell outta me,
other times you make me smile.
Stop driving me crazy.
It's not easy to forget you,
I have plenty to ask,
but the time's not right.
School's starting soon.
I'll probably won't have the chance to see you often.
No calls nothing.
I wished I had the guts to take a photo with you today.
I'm such a stupid girl.

If only, this was true.
The song is for you.
PG-13 please.

(I want to rock with you)
I want to rock with you
Just once
(I want to rock with you)
Come on

Oooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh [3x]

(I want to rock with you)

Strobe lights
Make everything sexy yeah
(Sexy, yeah)
Shadows dancing on the wall
I wanna rock with you
Let's converse
Talk with your body
Don't say anything at all
(I want to rock with you)

Rock with you
Wanna rock with you
(I want to rock with you)

Wanna rock with you
Wanna rock with you
(I want to rock with you)

Wanna rock with you

Oooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh [4x]

Strobe lights
Make everything sexy yeah
Shadows dancing on the wall
(Do you see me?)
I wanna rock with you
Let's converse

Talk with your body
Don't say anything at all
(I want to rock with you)

Shhh
I want to rock with you
Rock with you
Wanna rock with you
(I want to rock with you)

Wanna rock with you
Wanna rock with you
(I want to rock with you)

Rock with you

Oooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh [5x]
(Wanna rock with you) [5x]

Rock with you
Wanna rock with you
Wanna rock with you
I want to rock with you
Wanna rock with you

Strobe lights
Make everything sexy yeah
(So sexy)
Shadows dancing on the wall
Our bodies as one

Ooooh
I wanna rock with you
Let's converse
Talk with your body
Don't say anything at all
I want to rock with you

Blinded by love.
I guess everyone is.
Towards people they love.
And I ain't any different.
Cast away, cast away.
That's all I can think of.

Dance is good.
I've learnt to explore more parts of my body.
And boy, am I loving it.
I just want to know more,
feel more,
get more,
retain more.
I guess the hunger for dance never dies.
Everyone wants to improve,
bu what for?
To be a better dancer?,
to perform on stage?
I want to improve because dance is evolving,
I feel the need to catch up.
My hunger for it is pushing me,
to know more.
I not only just want to dance for myself,
but for others.
I really want to give back what I received from dance to my family,
those who cannot dance
and those who have always helped me along the way.
I think dancers should always adopt the learning and giving attitude.
being selfish doesn't help,
seriously.
I was very excited after Rahim's speech.
I can see TPDE growing,
blossoming from a bud to a flower that never dies.
I can't wait but see what the outcome be like.
People, lets strive together!

I pray every night for you, for others and for myself.
God's listening to our prayer,
guiding us in different ways.
You know I'll be there for you,
thank you for trusting in me, Mum.

I don't know how to say this.
Back then in 2004,
I learnt about heartbreak.
I swore to myself that,
I would never love again.
Then in 2007,
I realised,
life is short,
youth is short,
if I don't take the chance,
I'll probably regret it.
So I decided,
no matter how painful, troublesome, tearful,
my next love will be,
I'm willing to give it a chance.
Its okay to be heartbroken,
but just stand up wherever I've fallen.
And I know that,
I have plenty of friends who will be walking with me in times like this.
So I don't have to worry.

I found that,
I really have a lot to give.
I'm afraid that if anything bad(touch wood) happens to me,
at least I have told those whom I love I loved them,
and show my affection towards them.
With four new people in my life to love and care for,
I've never felt so fulfilled before.

I just want you to know that,
it'll probably take some time for me to forget about you.
I never knew I could fall so hard for someone like you.
I really wished for a chance,
but I don't even know if its possible.
I have been questioning myself,
is it my appearance, weight, character, etc?
Or am I just not your type?
I like being good friends with you,
perhaps I really did just spoil our relationship at that spur of moment.
I feel so frustrated with myself,
sometimes I want to care so much more for you,
but i'm afraid you'll just turn me down and run away.
All I can do in the end, is to control.
To you, I might just be another girl.
Who's fallen hard for you.
Who you wouldn't give a chance.
cos you don't really believe in love anymore.
I wished you would just believe in me.
I'll stay true to my words,
so just trust me.
This is how much I like you I guess.

All i can pray for is a miracle.

I woke up startled,
Mum who woke me up,
was crying.
I didn't get a thing she way saying.
I just followed her blindly and proceed to help her out.
It's so heart-breaking to see her cry,
the last time she did that,
was when i was 7years old,
I lied and said I didn't break the thermometer.
I saw the reply,
what a ridiculous one.
And then you called, after I replied your text.
Mum was crying,
I was crying too.
Thanks Nicole and Iris, for being there when I need a shoulder.
It's tough,
but I gotta be strong,
for this family,
in such a situation.
God, I pray that my family will be able to get through this ordeal easily and stay together as one. I hope that my grandma's pain and tears will stop and eveyone else who has been crying to be strong and have the courage to face the worst. I pray for his repentance and to come back home soon. God please listen to my prayers. Amen.

I really feel like dancing non-stop
or sleeping forever right now.
It's too overwhelming,
only dance can take me somewhere.
Make me forget everything.
The pain, the tears, my surroundings.
Say goodbye to this love?
Perhaps.
Perhaps not.
Take me away.

Wee~
Just finished bathing,
removing all the post camp smell.
This year's Art Leaders Induction Camp 2008,
was really fun.
Though there were the boring segments like lectures and such,
we had fun games too!!!
I love 'Night Knights',
one of the activities.
We played in the darkness o engineering school's canteen with laser guns.
It's indescribable the feeling,
hopefully we'll be able to have a laser gun outing soon! :)
Oh yeah and just now, we had a dragon boat race.
I can assure you my biceps have grown bigger.
LOL.
I rowed so seriously,
that I didn't realised my tigh was injured.
Its super fugly now.
And of cos it hurts.
And its ugly.
Wait I just said that.
Will show you a picture next time!
I really loved this camp alot,
its like getting to know your team mates better,
in an interactive way.
Hopefully our next dance camp will be as fun as this!

Seeing you, just drives me crazy.
Putting a calm front,
yet inside is a madly racing heart.
Oh man, what should I do?
We just left things hanging like that.
Okay, maybe I feel this way only.
However I can't get you off my mind.
And that's driving me insane.
Some tell me to move on, forget about you.
Others say, its my decision.
I guess I have already decided what I would do before the confession,
to stand by you.
Ugh, this is getting too emotional.
Bye world.

Oh yeah, all the best in K.O night!

I met you today.
You said "Hi",
hahaha,
are you playing with me?
I'm sure it was not as awkward for you,
but at least I managed to squeak out a "Hi" and a "Bye".
I'm glad you're making things easy for me.
But what to do?
I still like you, damn it.
Perhaps its my stubborness,
perhaps it my faith,
perhaps because my heart doesn't wanna give up,
I'm willing to wait till you find your breakthrough in dance.
We both want the same thing,
the difference is I'm willing to give more for you.
Would you still want me then after reaching your goal?
I don't know what to do.

My family's pretty chaotic right now.
If you're responsible,
just come back and face the music.
Its not that I mind playing mum to them,
but you can't just run away and throw all the problems behind.
I really hope we will stand strong in times like this.

My back is seriously killing me.
Somehow its affecting my foot too.
Just that I didn't say.
Hopefully I will be able to get SDT's physiotherapist contact no.
And heal my body.
I don't know what I will do if I can't dance.
The new choreo which I learnt today, This is my now by Jordin Sparks, if I'm not wrong,
has so much emotions.
And every time I dance,
I think of you,
wanting to prove to you that,
dance and many other things can come hand in hand.
Just trust in me.

"Great dancers are not great because of their technique -- they are great because of their passion."
Martha Graham
1894 -- 1991, Dancer, Teacher and Choreographer.

That is for you. :)

I finally let the cat out of the bag.
I'm glad you took it so easily
and it wasn't awkward for me.
I know you have your priorities
and I ain't one of them.
So I don't know what I should do.
Should I wait?
And follow you through?
Or should I give up?
And regret later on?
You don't understand this maybe,
but I like you for who you are,
the you who's pursuing dance so seriously,
passionately.

You're thinking I'll be wasting my time.
Perhaps.
What's more I already feel the indirect rejection.
HAHA.
Okay.
Just to let you know,
you damn lucky,
you're the first guy I confessed to. :)

Smile Sam,
I shall treat this as one of my memorable life experience.
Heh.

It's so disheartening to know that you think i like someone else.
Right, Sam.
This is oh so great.

Today's one of the days where things doesn't go my way,
it's like a mixture of periods and cramps
and raw egg with olive oil and hot water.
A concoction of an ongoing backache which aches even more when its the time of the month.
I say all the wrong things to the wrong people.
What in the world is wrong???
Sometimes I just wished you were here.
To understand,
to comfort,
and to listen to my nonsense.

Oh fuck,
my backache.
Bye world.

When things get so complicated,
its good to have someone to talk to,
laugh with,
cry with.
Even though we didn't do all the above together,
I still appreciate your presence. :)
I just realised how much I love to talk to you,
its comforting,
making me remember that I am grounded to this earth.
I am so afraid that you would be avoiding me.
I know we both did.
It's kinda stupid now that I think back.
I just want to know you more,
and you to know me more.

2 more days to Sean Kingston!

Went for studio rehearsals today for the client to watch.
She's pretty satisfied with our performance,
but I believe we can do better.
I'm actually quite upset with myself.
Am I not professional enough?
I need to have more vocab for my wacking.
I feel like i was doing the same moves over and over again.

God give me wisdom!

The show is this coming tuesday at MOS.
i still can't believe its the opeing act for Sean Kingston.
Yeah, it hasn'treally hit me yet.
I just hope the MOS crew will do a good show.
I know we are capable of that,
just gotta work harder!!!!

I love dancing with this bunch of crazy people.
They do the funniest things ever.
Wait till Jas's videos comes out,
then you'll get what I mean.
I'll miss hanging out with them after the show I guess.
Come on people!
Let's go burn the floor!

Are you going to reject me?
I need a sign.

I hope things wouldn't change between us.
Just because of that issue.
I feel so stuck in the middle,
unsure what to do.
But seems like everyone knows now,
I just hope it wouldn't spoil this friendship that we have.
Yes people, we should grow stronger together :)

And you, who knows who you are.
Maybe you're right,
and maybe I'm right.
In life there are many maybe(s),
it's just that we choose to to believe/decide on which ever 'maybe'.
I don't want you to think so much cos I can really feel your resentment growing.
Just do what you enjoy doing, dancing.
Having fun while dancing.
When was the last time you really felt the enjoyment while dancing?
Ask yourself when was the last time you danced and smiled without being forced?
Sometimes I think we are stressing ourselves out too much.
Stress is good, but too much ain't good.
Anyway, it's really your decision on what you choose to believe.
Just be happy with it,
that's all I can say :)



Caring for you...
I need to wake up and see for myself
if i stand the chance.
I'm full of doubts.
Faith is all the keeps me standing.
Are you going to push me away?
Perhaps.
Am i ready for that?
Not really,
but I'll be strong. :)

Well alot has been going lately.
Went night cycling with TPDE last Saturday,
we cycled from east coast to town and then to clarke quay and back again.
It's pretty fun,
just that there were alot of obstructions,
like the traffic!!!!!!!!

Sunday,
without much sleep,
i head to church very very late.
And then we all went to Kenny's place for easter celebrations.
I'm glad people who were invited came.
I hope you guys had fun,
cos I would love to stay some more,
but then work was in the way.
Oh by the way I gotmy paycheck of $700!!!
Boy am I happy.
Nicole, Alred and Elaine,
you guys better thank me.
Cos the day before,
as y'all know,
I dropped my baby handphone into the toliet bowl.
Well I was so frustrated and disgusted that I went to wash it with soap and water.
So i thought it was a goner and was pretty down.
The next day,
we got our paychecks.
Irene, our boss, came up to me and said, "Hey you've gotten your paychecks right, actually I didn't want to release them to you guys, but I see you so PATHETIC that's why I did."
Wow, thanks.

Monday...
I forgot what I did.

Tuesday,
movie outing with iris, kat and kaiwen.
Went to watch The Bucket List.
Darn.. it's a really good movie.
Gin's and Ryan's reviews didn't fail me.
I'm so glad that I watched it and now I realised I have alot more that I want to enjoy and do in life.
Butter Factory at night.
It was alright.
My back is aching from all the reggaeton.
Went into the cypher thrice,
mad props to those who went in and were hitting the beats, feeling the music and enjoying themselves.
Kat, iris and Joyce were damn hot.
Wished I could have hugged them longer........
HAHAHAHHAHAA. RIGHT.

Today,
went for MOS crew training.
I had to do 3 eighths of bboy solo.
God please save me from embarrasment.
I don't want to let my crew down.
Since everyone has faith in me,
I should have some faith in myself.
Or at least I'll try.
Brazillian today...
More like hairless below.
I feel like a naked mole rat,
yes like the ones you see in the zoo,kids section.
I need some hair man...
LOL.

Pray hard for me people,
I hope my bboy segment will do well.
Or at least catch upwith the rest of the dope bboys.
And you...
Just keep popping in my mind :)