one explicit post that you wouldn't wanna read

okay i just need to rant.

i'm just fucking pissed and tired.
why does it always end up like this?
me trying too hard,
too much expectations, leading to outright disappointment.
i just want them to look good,
sometimes i wonder is it me or what???
i want them to enjoy too,
but it seems like when i'm not there, they enjoy better.
i'm sick of repeating myself,
and i guess they are to,
of hearing me.

okay next,
i feel so fucked up to keep thinking that i have a void in my heart,
waiting for someone to fill up.
am i looking for someone?
or am i just living in surreality???
i kept making myself believe that i do not need anyone,
myself will do.
but unknowingly,
i'll just depend on someone so much more.
which irritates the hell outta myself.
signs of internal conflict within samansarii.

if there's like a million 4 letter swear word,
i would love to say each and everyone out right now.
but it's so pointless.
ugh.
i hate my body,
it's a goner.
and now my head hurts too.

thanks nelson for listening.
i think im gonna sleep and dream this away.

i love you, jasmine yap.