kaiwen's bestfriend/boyfriend.
LOL.
something's on my chest.
it has been bugging me since...
i don't know how long.
i have no clue what is it.
it's like a virus,
infecting me slowly.
it's 7am now,
i have no desire to sleep even though i really love it.
i keep thinking and thinking.
sometimes i just can't fully express myself.
i'm afraid of hurting people, you especially.
i'm afraid i'll get hurt too.
i just regret it everytime i am too direct you know.
so like i wound you and i wound myself too.
get the theory?
sometimes i wish i was a boy.
then i wouldn't have to think about the future, consequences and what not.
i can just live in the moment.
if i were a boy,
perhaps i'll be able to calm a girl like me.
understand, relate and handle.
it's not that i am not satisfied,
i am.
cos there's you.
all that i have longed for.
it's just that,
sometimes i wanna have special moments with you.
simple yet special.
where only both of us can understand.
so that i wouldn't say "i can't read your mind." and vice virsa anymore.
can you feel me?
it's tough to be a boyfriend.
it's tough to be a girlfriend.
ultimately we started as two different yet similar individuals,
living our own life seperately,
having no responsibilities.
but a change occured,
a changed called relationship.
this change brought us together.
we contemplated, hesitated, consulted.
and we decided,
we love each other.
there's nothing wrong with that,
but we have another responsibility,
to mould our attitude, character and behaviour to compromise with each other.
isn't that amazing?
i'm imagining two amoeba-ish species forming into one instead of seperating.
heh.
i guess i really do love that silly boy of mine.
way more than much.
way way more than anyone that i have ever loved.
and i realised,
there's always a piece of him inside no matter where i am or what i do.
i think you're the virus.
thank you for infecting me with love :)
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