:(

Is this all?

Sighs.

sick

Fever. Projects. IJ.
Fever. Projects. IJ.
Fever. Projects. IJ.

And the cycle just continues.

Lonely in Gorgeous

At this point of time, I feel extremely burdened by so many circumstances. I felt that my freedom has been restricted, the freedom the write, say, do things that I want. People are always watching and commenting on it, that I don't mind. However, the do not confront me directly, ask me what is wrong, instead they ask someone else.

I feel so irritated at this point of time, is it my fault that they ask you? Should I say "DON'T ASK so and so" next time? So that you wouldn't be so perplexed about it? Is writing such short notes making a big hoo-ha over this issue? I don't think so. I don't have the power to stop people from asking, so I should just limit what I say? Hold back my feelings and emotions.

Frankly, I find it stupid to do so, but its giving you so much problems, I do not have a choice right? I long for the days where I can just not give a damn and write what I want. The freedom of writing, the freedom of speech. I wonder, at this point of time, can someone see eye to eye with me?

Everyone practically label it as my fault without bothering to hear from my side. They just see one side and go with it, never considering my feelings/thoughts towards the problem. Seriously, I do not know what to say to you guys, since I cannot control that behaviour. All I can do is lock up my blog and my profile, and let my close friends read only.

You say I am insensitive, then how about all the others?

Please spare a thought for my feelings.

Right now, I just feel everything is against me. I just have Revogue and nothing else. But thank god for them, they brighten up my day and make me happy. The only time I can say my true honest feelings and they will at least compromise and listen. Thank you girls, lets strive for our goal.


Lonely in Gorgeous from Paradise Kiss (anime)

I dashed out at 0 o’clock in the morning
I kicked the door open
My glass slippers shattered
And my dress tore, too

Hey, aren’t you shocked?
Even if I chased after you, you wouldn’t come
My tears overflow and I can’t run anymore…

It just might be jealousy… It’s-so-pain-ful…!!

“Lonely in Gorgeous” yeah…
Party night… I’m breaking my heart
I want you to find me immediately and embrace me
The headlights shine…where are you bad boy?

Wipe away my tears with the scarf of love
I can’t see anything
I want to scrape up stardust
And hurl it at you

Why do you care?
And yet you are only able to love yourself…
I just might be falling out of love… Is it for real…?!

“Lonely in Gorgeous” yeah…
Party time…won’t bury that
If you’re not here, then the world seems empty
I want to keep dreaming
“I miss you bad boy”
Please don’t shut me inside the glitter
Or I’ll break down

“Lonely in Gorgeous”I’m breaking my heart
Where are you bad boy?
“Lonely in party night”

“Lonely in Gorgeous”
I’m breaking my heart
I miss you bad boy
“Lonely in party time”

“Lonely in Gorgeous” yeah…
Party night…
I can’t laugh
I don’t need anything, just be by my side

“Lonely in Gorgeous” yeah…
Party night…
I’m breaking my heart

Inside of the box of glitter that you left behind
I embrace loneliness and I can’t move
I don’t need anything, just be by my side
Kneel down, look at me
And pledge your love

everything was just an illusion.

Okay, Imma rip out the entire of Nana's post, We disagree, but hold hands. I just find it so meaningful when you are in a relationship. I am really happy for her! Though I have no idea which sneaky Aaron came up and took away my love! Boo-hoo!

Happy Reading! :)


Sometimes looking at my friends with relationships, i get scared of my own.
All those baseless quarrels, hurtful words said upon each other; what happens after the initial adrenaline rush of love you once had, settles down?

Each would take each for granted.

Assuming they should know you the best since they’re your other half but when they don’t, you start playing the blaming game.
And finally, loving them would come to a point whereby it’s too painful and hard.
So you’ll choose the only way out, and that’s to leave.

I’m sure those of us who have been in a relationship before would know what i mean.
Been there, done that.

I firmly believe that if a couple are on off in their relationship, they should just make a clean break once and for all.
If you really love someone, then you would never ever want a break.
No matter how bad a quarrel, no matter how much the anger, no matter how hurt you are.
Because you love them and losing them causes you much more grief than quarrels.
Even if you have to quarrel everyday, as long as by the end of the day you kiss and make up, it’s been a fulfilled day spent with a loved one.
I love him because he smiles at me and means it.

//
Won’t be home for another 2 nights.Loves, :)


You know, when you are in a relationship whereby two of you are not supportive of each other. Somehow, it just wouldn't work out. Love is based on something simple, something also known as Honesty.

If that fails, Trust, Communication, Love, Selflessness would not follow suit. So when the first base of the pyramid breaks, how can you build upon it?

I guess I finally know the reason why, I cannot trust.

?

I don't know how long it'll take. What do you call this, disappointment? Anger? Sadness? I really don't get it why it will always turn out like that. I have been waiting all day for something so simple yet my hopes fail me time and again. Yesterday's happiness can disappear in a blink of an eye. Funny. I don't know what to say anymore. I'm not gonna do anything this time around.

Pictures of Yester-years.

CCA Awards 2009

Kat's 19th Birthday

I have reached the epitome of laziness, too lazy to blog anymore.

Days like this.

"Miss Lee, I want to press the player!"

"Miss Lee, I want to hold your hand!!"

"Miss Lee, ........................."

The constant droning of these little kids are stuck in my head. No matter how mischievious they are, they are still very adorable! My already burnt hand from Arnold's Fried Chicken @ City Plaza, was feeling way my sore then ever! Imagine 4 kids trying to hold your hand. I was literally stuck in a rut. Like what should I do? Then, I cam up with a solution, taking turns. Somehow, it has little effect on one of the boys... Cheeky!

Days like this seem to pass so slowly. After class today, I was feeling super worn out and dreading each movement I make. Just wanna fall into the embrace of my bed and sleepy like there's no tomorrow. But of cos, I can't! I had to walk that 29307349303km path to the bus-stop that has my bus, just to get home. Oh my sore body was calling out to me, but I just had to keep on walking to my destination. On the path there, loneliness kinda hit me hard. I watched the kites flying individually in the sky and I felt like I was one of them. Alone. I contemplated calling people, but I just can't find the right person. Before I get too in my head, my latest book reading collection got me busy and I totally forgot about it.

I love myself! *chuuuuu*

Okay, I am really tired, gotta wake up early for training tomorrow! Yay!

BEEEEAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTT ITTTTTTTTTTTTTT!

BUSY BEE!

Hello world.

I AM MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY DRAINED.

Seriously, for the first week of holidays, I feel like I have been rushing non-stop 24/7. I eat for fifteen minutes and I have to jet off to another location. My stomach feels weird and my body is feeling uncomfortable. I just want a holiday! A good break to rest my worn out body. However, everytime that thought comes to my head, i'll think of work, projects, IJs, dance, money, family etc etc.
Samansarii is one unhappy girl. :(

Am i entering mid-life crisis? I'm only 19! Please don't do this to me! Whatever happened to the vibrance of youth and the vitality of being young! I feel like I am 40, and working my ass off for retirement funds already. Okay, the more I say the more I feel like crying, ugh, holiday... celebrate...

Rebel last night was crazy, I laughed till my jaws ache and it is the most unglam club experience I had. I was wearing a dress and dancing the hiphop kinda style with the occasional girls hiphop. Hahaha, I really don't care. Iris and I was like "We pay $20, must lose weight!!". Crazy girls, I love dancing with them! All the weird pattern start coming out (we did a modern inspired item in the club. O.O), so funny yet fun. Get it? Hahaha! However, that will be my last Saturday clubbing night, the cost is high and it makes me fat!!!!!!! (cos some of us went to eat dimsum after that, awesome stuff!!!).

Woke up early the next day to have Father's Day celebration. My goondo mum, thought it is this week, so we kinda celebrated early. It was great though, she initiated the event for the first time! Thus, I had to give dance ministry a miss. Overall, today made me super tired and super duper drained. I just wanna rest in bed for 72 hours. Perhaps, head to the beach, roll around in the sand, get a burn and smell of summer.

Sigh... When will that happen?

The end of a storm.

Dancing makes me happy.
Talking with the flygirls, jj, beibei, erina makes me happy too.

I really thank them for today, to hug me, hear me cry and most of all understand. Really appreciate you girls for that!! I LOVE REVOGUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We have been through so much together, all the shitty-ness (if there's such a word) and joy. Till date, I feel that we have really grown as a team. Like we are willing to accomodate, compromise and understand each other better. I like the fact that we can talk openly and honestly with each other now with no grudges or whatsoever. :)

On a side note, I will become stronger. Shall not let things like this happen again, I am willing to accept people for who they are, so please accept me for the way I am. It is just life, you cannot have everything you want, you can work for it but when it comes to relationships, there must always be some form of compromise and understanding.

I still feel flamed for no reason, I guess nobody will truly know the truth accept for me and the other party. Just that the small details are still there that really hurt me. There's so much things thrown at me where I wan to say "But..." as the situation was really unfavourable towards me. Somehow, no one bothers to ask, so I assume they know the whole situation? I still feel angry, hurt and most of all tired. I just wanna enjoy my day before meeting those little kids tomorrow again. Hopefully they will take the class more seriously this time!

God, just give me faith and strength right now. I know I am not perfect, that is why I always come running back to you with broken wings. Just sometimes wish I can just cry out and you would listen and come for me.


Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY NELSON! You are an old man already hitting the big 20! Heh~

Tomorrow will be a better day! I just cannot wait to have some time off to chill by the beach and maybe get a burn or even start melting. Anyone up for it?

More words.

I start to not believe in a lot of things at this point.

Many things are running through my head and its starting to hurt.

Next time, please phrase your words properly. Then such misunderstandings would not have happened. And I will do my part too.

Who am I supposed to turn to now?

I deleted the previous entry because I know what happened. Seems like I cannot trust you somuch anymore, every time I do, you turn your back against me.

MY BLOOD IS BOILING.

I really can't stand this anymore.
FUCK IT!

Look, you were the one who didn't listened and I felt like I was being blamed for something that I didn't do. I SAID: :"It is staring at us, quick walk this way." You know I am afraid of cats, so obviously, the natural instinct I did was to walk furthest away from that animal. AND WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO? You raised your voice at me, ask me what the hell am I doing, why I left you there and walk this side.

For chirst sake, it was just a short distance, but you just didn't want to follow. You weren't attentive towards your surroundings, doesn't mean that I am like you. Fuck. I saw it from a distance, time and time again, you didn't listen to what I said. You think I am trying to be funny and your stupid sarcasm has to come out at that point of time. Say what: "Is the cat here??!?!" You will never understand when someone fears something they will just wanna avoid it. I can't believe you said that, instead of protecting me, you just fucking left me in the lurch and walked off.

You know what, you can tell your side of your story to god knows how many people, YOUR BESTFRIEND or whatsoever. I really cannot take it already. I am so not fucking going to make things up in this relationship.I have always been the one doing it and frankly speaking, I AM SICK OF IT. I felt like I was fighting a war alone, my so-called partner just couldn't be bothered to help. It's not that you don't know, I asked you countless times and all you can say is "Isn't everything alright now?". Like it fucking solves anything.

The problem with you is you don't fucking listen. Sometimes when I am with you, I feel like you aren't there either. Like your mind is elsewhere. You know that is also a form of communication, but obviously you didn't get my point when I said we aren't communicating.

People, you guys might think this is a childish matter, but when all the things that a person has done and you have decided to forgive and not overlook the matter into details, it will just explode one day.

I DIDN'T FUCKING SAY I WAS RIGHT. I knew I was wrong when I just kept walking without you and left first. However, you who didn't listen to what I say and assume whatever, just couldn't even bother to call. So who was the fucked up one?

I think nobody will understand what I am going through. Yes, I think too much, yes I am a straightforward person. However strong I may appear to be, each person has a limit that they can hold. I can forsee so many people looking at me with different eyes, all because of this stupid matter. I am fucking pissed right now and I don't give a damn about what people may say.

I am sick of excuses. Right now, all I can think of is, I WANT MY TBG TICKET which I paid for.

FUCK!

DANCE DANCE BABY!

I AM SO TIRED.

My goodness. Today's the first time I taught kids for Hiphop. Cheeky, mischievous yet super potential dancers. I believe they have a lot of potential man! One girl she has the stature of a ballerina, the other is a agogo dancing kid and the last female looked like she grew up watching Hi-5. However, I feel that the two boys in this class were the ones with a lot of potential, one has what it takes to be a bboy and the other a true blue hiphop dancer!

Seriously, I will just keep trying to impart my knowledge to these young ones and hopefully they will fall in love with dance. I know it is difficult for them to make a decision at such a young age, but seriously, I think it is possible. Check out all the young japanese kid dancers!

I remembered vividly, I was the one who chose dance when I was 5 years old. My mum brought me to a ballet studio and asked me: "Do you want to learn how to dance?" and I replied: "YES!".

Till now, dance has always been with me through thick or thin. I never regretted making that decision. Even though it is tough but Dance has taught me to persevere and has taken all the boundaries the world has set.

Today's advance class was dope. I felt so chill and relax. Reminds me of the old times, during my growing up yearss, I used to dance in my bedroom to these kinda songs. Hmm...I really want a breakthrough this year. I think I should pray to God for more revelations right now, I feel so stagnant and restless.

I am sure, this dance year will be an amazing journey. :)

PMS

I feel horribly PMSy these days.

Like things can get any better, what the hell's wrong? Today was supposed to be a good, fun-filled day and the cramps had to rob away everything. Making me grouchy and easily irritated.

Waiting for the boyfriend's call.

I bet he's sleeping or driving around somewhere again. Hmph.

All I wanna say is, some times words doesn't matter at all. It's not what you say but what you do, that proves whatever you believe in. That's why there are lies in this world. So prove it to me.

The Opportunity of a Lifetime

Gin was telling us about Michael Jackson's last concert and how hundreds flock down to Los Angeles to audition. I did a little research (during the midst of my studying) and found out that. HUNDREDS flew to Los Angeles to audition and there were THOUSANDS of them auditioning. Isn't it amazing? The best part? They picked an entourage of 12 only. I caught glimpses of Rino Nakasone-Razalan, Maryss from Paris and Sophia Boutella in the clip! However, it was rather unfortunate that they did not make the cut.

Still, isn't it amazing? That is really a dancer's opportunity of a lifetime man. Just dancing beside the man himself, is like reaching your goal as a dancer.

Watch the video at: http://www.michaeljacksonlive.com/video.php?vid=5#vid

The shortlisted dancers are US dancers Charles Kapow, Ricardo Reid, Tyne Stecklein, Misha Hamilton, Mekia Cox, Nicholas Bass, Danielle Rueda-Watts and Christopher Grant. As well as, Timor Steffens from Germany, Australian dancer Shannon Holtzapffel, Daniel Celbre and Devin Jamieson from Canada.
(source: http://community.michaeljackson.com/us/news/500-dancers-fly-los-angeles-extraordinary-auditions).

If I had the chance, I would have gone too, it will be an experience that you can never forget!

Anyway, I really admire the dancers that made it through, it just makes me wanna strive for my goals even more!

Singapore Young Talents

You know, some times I really love Singapore for the hidden finds and talents that we have.

Guys, check these videos out, Baby just showed it to me just now. All I can say is, Dharni is awesome! If Kat's still single and crazy without her THUMBIE, she'll probably squeal like a mouse not cat. Hahaha!






Haha! If I had the guts, i'll say 'You're dope!". But I am a chicken. :(
Lol. Anyway, enjoy the video!

Words from the hurt.

Maybe these are just assumptions, I have been wanting to blog about this since last Friday.

How do you gauge a relationship? Be it with your lover, friends and familes. How do you gauge it? It's strange I am talking about this now because, I feel like I have been misunderstanding some things. Or perhaps the other party is.

To me a friend, or maybe some people may term it as close friend, is someone I can call and text easily, meetup to talk about stuffs, just plain hanging out when you are bored and someone that I will not hesitate to spend time with. With that, I already placed them in my circle of friends, this circle of trust that I know they will be there for me no matter what and vice versa.

Perhaps, these are all my wishful thoughts. Perhaps, I am the only one who felt this way. I just find it ridiculous having to segregate into so many layers, to me everyone is the same. Is it because when I did hangout with the others personally, you didn't know about it? Maybe to you guys, it is just plainly termed as hanging out, but to me, I wouldn't even hangout with you if I was not comfortable talking about such topics. All those times were in fact very significant and memorable to me, though short-lived.

How about you girls? I never know how you all feel. I guess I trust and really put my soul in it when it comes to forging relationships. It's just hurtful when things does not appear like how you always think it would be.

I don't understand why must things be so complicated when it is very simple in reality. It is how you think and choose whatever outcome you want it to be. I'm a very straight-laced person, not that I ain't flexible, I can accept certain changes, however, I ain't a programmed robot. I have feelings too. I don't get it, why other people have such simple relationships and I always seem to be stuck in complicated ones.

If you still don't get my point. Take this example, we have been a very big but close group of friends (or at least, you and i presume we are close.),my birthday is coming. The entire big group persuaded me to throw a birthday party. I say, okay I'll plan it. When it comes to the guestlist,I decided, I only want my so-called "closest of the closest" friends, so out of the entire big group, I picked 5, you are not included. How would you feel?

I'm just like that girl being leftout now.

Thank goodness for Kaiwen, even though he is an ass sometimes, he cures my loneliness and makes me happy.

I think that's all I want right now, Happiness.