Note to God

Dear Father,
on this day, every year,
I turn a year older.

you send me to earth,
10th February 1990,
with lots of love and pride.
you tailored me the way you visioned me,
smiling as I came crying out.

when i was one,
i pray for mummy and daddy to buy me my favourite toy,
and i pray that they will love me for life.

when i was five,
i asked mummy for ballet classes,
cos i wanna be in a tutu,
mummy gave me everything i wanted,
but i still lied to her.
so i pray that mummy will give me a new playmate,
such that she would not scold me anymore,
and some other kid will love her,
more than i have ever loved her.

when i was ten,
i grew so bitter,
i hated the world,
i pray for everyone to vanish,
leaving me with my hurt.
i hated my friends in school,
they couldn't understand my pain,
i hated my parents at home,
they couldn't relate to me.
i hated school, home, people and you.
for i believed you were out to get me.

when i turned 15,
i started to understand,
but pride got in most of the time and i couldn't give in.
i started keeping quiet as i didn't wanna say the wrong things.
i looked at my parents sadly,
questioning myself,
why our relationship had soured.
i poured my heart and soul into dance,
my only source of escape.
nevertheless, tears still fall when dawn breaks and,
i'm all alone again.

this year Father,
i am 19 years old.
i wanna thank you for bringing me to life,
and protecting me in all ways.
thank you for planning my route to meet inspirational people at O School,
letting them guide me on the path back to you.
i thank you for softening my heart,
so i wouldn't be so cold and heartless anymore,
i learnt to feel for others,
and empathy was not uncommon anymore.

i often questioned and got angry with you throughout my 19 years,
asking why do i have to go through so much pain.
i finally understood that,
it was a test of faith.
a lesson to grow me in ways that nobody except you could.
i thank you for my name Samantha,
as it means God's Listener.
i'm constantly hearing out your Word and relating it back to people I love.

i thank you for such great friends that i have met,
they gave me a new perspective in life.
teaching me new stuff and also letting me live my life.
gone were the days where i cared so much about rules,
i learnt to loosen up and have fun.

i thank you for my talents,
dancing, creativity and more.
they brought me to greater heights and taught me that i can be what i wanna be if i strive for it.
Father, the talents you have provided,
opened many doors,
I thank you once again for that as it made my life more complete.

Father,
I have to thank you for letting me this wonderful opportunity to meet such an amazing guy.
the visions that you sent me,
be it when i was sleeping or stoning,
shows me the answers that I have been religiously praying for;
to find love.
i thank you for Zheng Kaiwen,
he is the most understanding, caring and wonderful guy for me.
even though i keep wanting more from him,
i know he is perfect for me.
Lord, thanks for answering my prayers so that we can be together.
I know you have provided for me so much for the past year and all I can do is pray and thank you.

Father in Heaven, words cannot express my gratitude for saving me and for providing to my wishes.
I love you and I thank you,
for this life,
that I will cherish with all my heart.

Amen.